The accepted wisdom is that you can't work on marital problems when there's an underlying addiction issue. You have to treat the addiction first and then you can work on the relationship issues. And ... we all know by now that it is the person with the addiction problem who has to want to change. So what does it feel like when your spouse has the addiction and doesn't want to … [Read more...]
Wisdom From Divorce: Understanding What Went Wrong
I've talked to many people who've spent many, many hours trying to figure out why their marriage ended. It's inevitable given that most of us marry with the words 'until death do us part.' Sometimes you can see how you could have handled a situation or an issue differently and while you'll never know what the outcome might have been, it leads to an understanding or a change … [Read more...]
Wisdom From Divorce: Your Ex Probably Isn’t a Bad Person
You can learn about what makes for a successful marriage from divorce. I've learned that supporting your spouse through their career is just one of the ways that married couples change together and stay together: He was threatened by my growth. He wasn't a bad person, he just had a lot of fear and when other people are growing or are adventurous, it can threaten someone else's … [Read more...]
Wisdom From Divorce: The Importance of Financial Independence
A very common fear about life after divorce is around not having enough money and living in poverty. That's why developing a plan for your financial independence is critical and implementing it is cause for celebration and admiration: I'm most proud that I've always been able to maintain a steady state for my children, to stay employed. When I was with my first husband I had a … [Read more...]
Wisdom From Divorce: Don’t Take It Personally
Regardless of who initiates divorce, you inevitably start wondering what you could have done differently. That's an important question because it can hold the key to a fulfilling, meaningful relationship in the future. Even so, there are some situations in which nothing you could have done would have prevented the end of your marriage: My husband coming out as gay had nothing … [Read more...]