The accepted wisdom is that you can’t work on marital problems when there’s an underlying addiction issue. You have to treat the addiction first and then you can work on the relationship issues. And … we all know by now that it is the person with the addiction problem who has to want to change. So what does it feel like when your spouse has the addiction and doesn’t want to change:
I lived such a sheltered life. I’d never even seen drugs before. I was clueless for two years that he was even doing anything but I kept finding money missing. I was overwhelmed, I couldn’t handle it but I also knew it was my duty to stay, he was sick. For two years we went to counseling, he had drug counseling but he couldn’t stop. I was very surprised that he chose drugs over me.
Author Antonia Ragazzino was twenty-four when she got married and although she tried to help her husband through his addiction she ultimately made the decision to end their marriage.