Going through divorce is hard not just because of all the dramatic changes but also because many of those changes mean confronting our fears.
My therapist said, “I want you to close your eyes and tell me everything that scares you about you moving out and imagine that all of it happens, imagine all of the worst things happen. Tell me everything it is.” ~ Swati
Swati’s marriage was troubled from the start and it wasn’t long before she accepted that it couldn’t be saved. What she wanted most was full custody of her daughter who was under two-years-old. Her STBX was harassing her and she really wanted to move out but she’d been told by her attorney that doing so may jeopardize her custody request. This conversation with her therapist led her to her solution.
Fear of possible consequences or the unknown often keeps us in a holding pattern. The fear also stops us from really exploring our options. Following Swati’s approach means being as specific and as detailed as possible about your fears. The next step is to ask what would you do, if that specific event happened. This opens to the doors to options. Once we have options, fears diminish.