I have two more posts in this series about Emma of Divorced Before 30 and if you haven’t visited her blog yet, please do. Her header photo couldn’t be more appropriate.
When I’m interviewing, when we’re approaching the end, I like to ask if there’s anything else my interviewee would like to share, is there something we haven’t talked about that she would like to. When I asked Emma this, she started talking about going back to the church where she was married. Here’s what she said.
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I went back to the church where we got married fairly soon after I left him and after I decided I was definitely going to get divorced. It was a great way to confront what was going on and it was very cathartic for me.
The church was in the town where I was staying so I didn’t have to travel far. I just thought, if I don’t do this now, I might avoid the church forever. So I went to a service. I didn’t know if I could handle it and I totally lost it. I ended up having to go outside. I sat in this beautiful area and cried. It was really good for me and my soul.
Now, I’m fine going back there and several months after I was divorced, I was invited to a wedding there. I went and sat through a ceremony much like my own and went to the reception, which was at the same reception site as mine and was much like my own. I could have turned down the invitation but I didn’t. I had a date and we stopped between the wedding and the reception to have a drink and talk about what it was like for me. I was glad to be able to confront the issues head-on.
Then there was the purging, the getting rid of wedding gifts and I donated my wedding gown to Brides Against Breast Cancer. They resell the donated gowns to raise money for breast cancer research. I sold my wedding ring on eBay. Personally, I wouldn’t want a used wedding ring but maybe I’m being superstitious. I sold it for a nice price and used the money to help pay for the divorce.
I don’t miss any of it at all – wedding gifts, wedding photos, wedding dress, wedding rings – it’s a clean slate.
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The church where I was married is in my home village back in England. I haven’t been in it recently – I think it holds too many memories. My sister was married there, my mum and I went to Christmas midnight mass there the evening my grandfather passed away, my mum’s funeral service was there and she’s also buried there. Just writing this is bringing tears to my eyes.
I still have my wedding dress, which my sister made for me. It’s an ivory shantung silk with lots of pin tucks, lace and pearls – my sister did an exquisite job and I think that’s part of the reason I still have it. Emma made me think about donating it although I see from the website for Brides Against Breast Cancer that they are currently only taking dresses from 2005 on. I had my dress cleaned and packed up after my wedding and haven’t opened it since. I haven’t even shown it to my daughter. I have it in the back of my mind that maybe she would like to have it and restyle it but I wouldn’t be upset if she said no. I do still have all the wedding photographs – don’t think I’ll get rid of them. There’s so many other people featured in them, including my mum.
My wedding ring was inset with diamonds and I was going to have it reset into something more contemporary – a right hand diamond ring but unfortunately, it’s lost. I suspect it was stolen when I had some work done on my home.
Have you been back and visited where you got married? Was that part of your grieving process? What about your dress – do you still have it? What did you do with your engagement and wedding rings?
Photo Credit: //www.flickr.com/photos/cyberslayer/ / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0