This is my last post in the Divorced Before 30 series but you’ll be able to follow more of Emma’s story by visiting her blog. I read How I Left My Husband On My Lunch Break, Emma’s first post, and, as well as wanting to know more about her story, wondered why Emma started her blog. Was it part of her healing? Did it help her come to terms with the divorce? Here’s what she said.
One of the best things I did the first year after my divorce was to take a creative nonfiction writing class at the Loft Literary Center in Minneapolis. I was doing a little writing about my divorce and I was embarrassed to share it with the people in the class and the teacher. I was the youngest person there and I didn’t think they would believe I was divorced.
But I did share the pieces and the instructor said he thought it might make a good book. I thought there was no way I could do that – at that point I didn’t even want to talk about it very much. So I shelved that idea.
However, I’ve been thinking about it ever since. My work now involves writing about peoples’ behavior and motives. It’s very psychology-based. That made me think about the universal aspects of what I went through and maybe how to share.
It’s taken me three years to get up the nerves to do it because I knew if I was going to blog about it, then I wanted to be really open. So I have a very open style that’s also self-deprecating. It’s reflecting what was going on in my head at the time. I was beating myself up and sometimes even poking fun at myself while I was going through it.
Most blogs are about what’s going on now so it’s different to write about something in the past. It’s been hard to remember how I was feeling so I’ve been going back through my email archives. That’s been scary.
I don’t know if my ex has seen the blog. I haven’t talked to him in almost three years. I have no idea where his life has taken him, hopefully to a better place. I’m certainly not looking to bash him in any way. I’m trying to be respectful.
The Divorce Coach Says
When I was going through my break up I did keep a journal but more than that I was emailing my two closest friends in England. Writing down what was happening and what I was thinking helped me. Writing it down is pretty standard advice for dealing with any sort of traumatic event. The beauty of writing is that it is private – you don’t have to share it with anyone. You can write about those feelings and thoughts you’re having but think are wrong or that you think might make people think less of you. It’s OK to be angry, it’s OK to be jealous, it’s OK to be indignant. I think the key though is to be truthful and honest with yourself.
Leah Carey’s website has a writeaway for divorce – she provides prompts for you to write to. The writeaway is coming to an end but I think it would be easy to go back to earlier posts and work through it on your own. Another thought, take a story from this blog and think what your answer would be.
If you’re going through a break up now, are you keeping a journal? How does it help you to write? What do you choose to write about?