Never underestimate the opportunities from divorce! That might sound like an odd saying. Just as nobody gets married believing they’ll get divorced, I don’t think people choose divorce thinking they’ll learn from it. However, every divorced person I’ve interviewed has been able to tell me how they’ve grown in some way from their divorce or that they’ve accomplished something that was surprising or unexpected.
My current guest RMJ has now been divorced almost a year and was separated for about four years before then. Through it all she’s become stronger and is now doing something she’s always wanted to do. Here’s RMJ:
I’m most proud of just being able to be open about my divorce, being able to maintain a sense of pride in myself, divorced or not, that I am starting to feel like someone with really high self-esteem.
My self-esteem began to plummet around the time I got married. Now that I’m divorced I almost feel I’ve been taken back in time to when I was twenty-five or younger. I had a very strong sense of who I was then and I was really proud of myself. I feel like I’m almost that person again.
I’m trying to maintain that sense rather than “Oh, poor me, divorced woman”.
It’s like life has thrown me lemons, but I’m going to do something with them.
I’m also really proud of my blog – Remembering My Journey. I’m proud that I’m beginning to write, which is something I’ve wanted to do forever and I just never knew what to write about. Lo and behold, now I have a blog which gives me a lot of fulfillment. I don’t get paid a penny for it or anything, but I get a lot of joy and fulfillment from it so that’s payment in itself.
I really hope I’m helping African women. If you look on the blog you’ll see I have a blog roll and a lot of the blogs I list are not based in Africa. It just shows that there’s such a gap and there’s so many women who are African and don’t know who to talk to. If they draw inspiration from the resources that are out there they’ ll be accused of being “Western”. They’ll likely be accused of denying their culture.
There really is a gap out there – people don’t know who to talk to about this or what to do without being accused of trying to be American, for instance. So yes, if the blog can help in some small way, then for me that dream is a great achievement.
The Divorce Coach Says
I knew when I started my interviews I wanted to ask about “accomplishments.” Back then I thought it would be about the firsts we learn to do after divorce … things like disposing of the dead mouse in the mouse trap or figuring out that an electric drill has gears or changing the filter in the furnace.
Back then, I was going through my own divorce and I had no idea how it would change you as a person and change you for the better. I know differently now.
What has surprised you about divorce?
This is the last segment in RMJ’s story and I’d like to thank her for sharing her story. I admire her courage in choosing to end a marriage that wasn’t working and for being open about her divorce. RMJ blogs at Remembering My Journey were she writes, beautifully about being an African, a Christian and divorced.