When Jolene‘s marriage ended she faced living alone for the first time and that for her was the most daunting part of her divorce. Almost a year later she’s mastered that fear and now looks forward to her alone time.
It’s completely different for me. It’s not something I ever really relished before. I love coming home after a hectic day and being alone and just doing what I want to do. It might be not talking to anyone else from the moment I step in the house to the moment I go to bed. Sometimes I really need to reset myself for the next day. Usually I’ll write my blog at night, make myself dinner and hang out with my two cats. I never quite understood before when people told me they needed their alone time – I would avoid it at all costs but now I get it.
How did I get to like being alone? It was just an evolution of being forced to do it. My family and friends have been extremely supportive throughout my divorce and anytime I didn’t want to be alone I would always have somebody available for company. Nobody ever got into bashing my ex or our relationship. They were just there to support me.
Once I wasn’t so afraid of it anymore I realized that it felt more empowering and I liked having control over what I was doing and not relying on somebody else. I remember coming home once, I was supposed to have plans but they’d fallen through so I was bummed out about it. Then I thought, ‘You know, this isn’t so bad. I’m just going to have a glass of wine and I’m going to watch a movie by myself.’ It was great.
The Divorce Coach Says
As I said yesterday, I have two children so I didn’t have anywhere near the alone time that Jolene had. They spend every other weekend with their dad and on those weekends I do remember in the early days feeling a little lost at times – feeling that it was the weekend, a time for socializing and I had no plans. I had two friends who were also going through divorce at the time so once we got our parenting weekends on the same schedule we usually made plans to get together at least once over the weekend.
Most of the time I enjoy being in the house by myself but I do recall one massive thunderstorm this summer. The wind had really picked up and the thunder sounded like it was overhead – I was lying in bed too scared to sleep, gripping the covers, wondering what parts of the roof I’d find in the yard the next day. Suddenly the bedroom door burst open and first one child and then other ran into the bedroom and snuggled up to me. It was still raining just as hard but I felt so much better with them beside me!
Jolene mentions writing her blog at night. Her blog is To Be Determined – it’s about her journey through divorce and is well worth visiting.