I’m currently featuring a series of posts about Jolene who was with her ex for about ten years and has been separated for almost a year. Jolene says she didn’t want to divorce but now she’s glad they did.
I realize now I had come to rely on him to be the assertive one, to let him be our voice for everything. Even the little things like haggling over a cable bill or getting an oil change, I would have him do it and I just wouldn’t deal with it. It surprised me how much I’d fallen into that role over the years and not really seen it. It’s especially surprising considering in my job I’m on the phone all the time, talking to clients and reporters. It was like I was two different people. By the nature of my job I had to be outgoing but in my personal life, for some reason, I wasn’t that way at all.
A lot of my friends follow my blog and many of them have said I’ve gained a lot of confidence and I just seem very different but also more like myself. At work, it was hard late last year for me to separate how I was feeling on the inside and still put that work face on. Once I started sharing what I was going through people were more amazed they hadn’t notice a difference in terms of my being upset. My boss noticed I carried myself differently and was more confident. That felt good. I hadn’t really noticed that either but if your boss notices, it’s a good thing.
I’m actually really grateful this ended up happening. It ended up being for the best. I’ve learned so much more about myself and what I’m capable of in terms of being strong and being able to get through something more difficult than I ever thought. I’ve gained a lot of perspective – perspective is something you learn and you have to keep reminding yourself. It’s so easy to get bogged down with what’s wrong in your life – suddenly the world is ending and nothing is going right when maybe one or two things aren’t going right but look at the little things that you can relish everyday that make life not so bad.
Like Jolene, I feel more like me since my divorce – I’m enjoying life more, laughing more, socializing more and smiling more. And yes, it was a very difficult episode to go through but I’m glad I found the strength to do it. I’m better for no longer being married – not sure if my ex would say the same – wonder if I dare ask him? How about you? Is your life better for being divorced?
If you haven’t visited Jolene’s blog, do! She writes beautifully and you’ll want to find out if boy #7 turns into a second date.