Deciding to divorce is scary and often times we look to other people to validate or confirm our decision before moving ahead. That often doesn't happen: While my mother wanted to be supportive, she didn't say the right words. She never said, "You need to get out. Just do it." She would just say. "I'm always there to support you." I didn't know what that meant and I didn't have … [Read more...]
Wisdom From Divorce: Divorce Creates A Void
A common challenge with divorce is looking back and feeling your marriage was a waste of time, that divorce creates a void: Because I had no children it feels like I lost seven years of my life. From the time I met him, into college and until the time we divorced, I have nothing to show for that. I was forbidden to contact his family as part of the divorce agreement so I've … [Read more...]
Wisdom From Divorce: Respect Your Own Needs
Relationships work when partners respect each other's needs but you can't expect your partner to do that if you don't make your needs a priority: If I respect my own needs, then my partner, if he's the right partner is going to respect them too. That's been a big learning and it didn't come naturally to me. ~ Anka Anka and her husband were together for about ten years and … [Read more...]
Wisdom From Divorce: Is Your Marriage Worth Fighting For?
Couples counseling is often beneficial for marital difficulties. However, you do have to commit to the counseling with an open mind, a willingness to be honest and a genuine desire to work on your marriage and that isn't always there: Every person deserves to be with somebody because they're absolutely in love with them and when things get hard, they can look back and say, 'I … [Read more...]
Whose Secrets Are You Keeping?
One of the reasons someone might cover up for their spouse is thinking that they are somehow responsible for their spouse's behavior and the choices they've made. You are not responsible however, and once you can accept that, great healing is possible: I was afraid of people finding out what he did and that reflecting badly on me. I didn't tell a lot of people. I did a lot of … [Read more...]