Grace feels that her children have suffered immeasurably because of her ex’s behavior. Grace’s Eviction or Excision post retold the story of when she took the children for a quick getaway to the family condo in Florida before the divorce was final. Once they got there, there was no trace of any family belongings; clothes, toothbrushes and photos had all been hidden away. They found it all hidden away in a bag. After that Grace grabbed the Comet cleanser and cleaned the toilet with her husband’s toothbrush, rinsed the toothbrush and returned it to her husband’s drawer.
I could visualize it all because I’d seen a similar scene in an episode of One Tree Hill (one of my daughter’s favorite shows). I asked Grace to talk about that incident. Here’s Grace:
Cleaning the toilet with his toothbrush really did make me feel better. That moment was so hideous, to be in my home and realize what he was doing.
I knew about the girlfriend, I’d already filed for divorce, I knew that the girlfriend did not know he was married and had children but I was just stunned to think that he’d been that deceitful. The feeling of being erased from your own home was incredibly hurtful, and to know that he’d done it to my kids, too. They were standing there and saw the whole thing. It wasn’t like I made this big production of,
“Look what your dad did!”
They saw me walking around going “where is such and such, where are…?” and they were looking too. When I realized what had happened, I went running out of the condo crying, so the kids knew I was very, very upset. When they opened that suitcase and realized…they weren’t dumb, they knew what had happened too.
At that point, they knew we were getting a divorce and he had a girlfriend. They knew that much, so I could see the wheels turning in their minds. They knew that he was basically denying them, that they didn’t exist in his life, and it was a horrendous moment.
Using his toothbrush to clean the toilet gave me just this small measure of revenge, it felt so good to do that. It was definitely rooted in pain and hurt and anger. I don’t think he knew at the time, but he knows now because he does read my blog.
Would I do it again? Absolutely. I’d do it again tomorrow! In the same circumstances. It didn’t change anything but it gave me the small feeling of,
“You know what? Buddy, you can try to fool everyone, but you’re not that smart.”
In that whole crazy mess,
“Here’s one thing I can do that he can’t get back at me for.”
I told my mom, my sister, and we all had a good laugh over it, but I didn’t dare tell him during the divorce, he could fine me in court over that. What can he do to me now?
The Divorce Coach Says
When I first read about this on Grace’s blog, I cringed at the thought of cleaning the toilet with someone’s toothbrush, thinking nobody does that for real. Surely, it only happens on T.V.? Who would admit to behaving like that? But as I tried to place myself in Grace’s shoes, I knew that being that hurt and that angry would trigger powerful reactions and you never know how you will react.
I tried Googling how harmful it is to use a toothbrush that’s been used to clean the toilet but I didn’t get any results. I’m thinking that in this case, the Comet would have helped to clean the germs and then it was probably sometime till her ex used it, if he used it all. Sounds like something Mythbusters might investigate although they already did one test that found fecal matter on toothbrushes that had been no where near the bathroom and hadn’t even been used. Yuk!
Anyway, has anyone pushed you to the limits where you’ve reacted in a way that surprised you?
Photo credit: Evil Erin