When I went to school, in England, Valentine’s Day was pretty lowkey. We certainly weren’t expected to bring in cards for our classmates and it wasn’t until my teenage years, that any of the kids started giving and receiving Valentines. I dreaded the day because I never got Valentines and of course, everyone else did. I’ve always had it my head that Valentine’s Day is for lovers.
Fast-forward to when my children were in elementary school and Valentine’s Day seemed like another excuse for a class party with tons of candy and, of course, cards for everyone. Frankly, as a working mother, it always seemed like a lot work, the result of over-commercialization and the great American consumer economy. I was glad when my children moved on to middle school and I didn’t have to contend with the parties anymore.
Fast-forward a little more and I’m now happily divorced and not dating, I have a child in high-school and one in middle-school and neither of them, to the best of my knowledge have a sweetheart. So I got to thinking this weekend, what does Valentine’s Day mean to us?
Certainly, because everyone else will be celebrating the day, (if you believe the adverts), I don’t want my children to feel left out and I am a big believe in marking the occasions. I think it’s helps rejuvenate and energize us, when we breakaway for our normal routines. And whether or not there are Valentines from romantic admirers, I want my children to feel and know that they are loved, loved by their family. We may not look like the picture-perfect mom, dad, two kids, white picket-fence family, but we are a family and this world can be a lonely place without family. I’ve realized that Valentine’s Day can be about celebrating love for each other, not just romantic love.
I recently read The Five Languages of Love by Gary Chapman and I’ve been working at learning the languages of my children. Chapman says a big clue to a person’s language is what they do to convey love. I think my son is pretty easy. After all, he gave me My perfect Valentine’s last year and I know from that he appreciates acts of service. My daughter likes gifts and also quality time with me, like sitting and watching one of her favorite TV shows without getting up. But like most siblings, they both want whatever the other one gets.
So, I’m thinking maybe on Valentine’s Day I will surprise them by making their beds – sounds boring but I don’t make their beds and they do both enjoy climbing into a freshly made bed. Maybe I’ll leave a chocolate on their pillows, just like at a hotel. Then, I have a hankering to bake a heart-shaped cake and frost it with pink and chocolate frosting – my daughter has that sweet-tooth and will love the frosting and my son loves it when I bake. And because I want to, I thinking of buying a movie theater gift certificate for my daughter – she enjoys going to the movies with her friends – and a Borders’ gift card for my son – he loves reading graphic novels but has so many I don’t know which ones he has already.
What would I like ? It would mean the world to me to know that I’ve chosen gifts that speak to my children’s hearts and, of course, I never say no to breakfast in bed.
What are you doing to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year? Has your view of the day changed since your divorce?
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