When I interviewed Kristen and asked her what she would say was her most significant accomplishment since getting divorced, she said, “finding extreme happiness.” Before she told me what that was though, she told me about her marriage and her decision to end the marriage. She told me she was glad she made that decision because now she was definitely happy – so what’s the key to her happiness?
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There was someone I met six years ago. I do a lot of theater and I met him during a show. We always had somewhat of a connection but we never acted on it. We would see each other from time to time at auditions or at shows and this past year, when I was going through the divorce, we were both cast in a show together.
I quickly realized that he was the person who was meant to make me happy. I found myself smiling all the time, wanting to be with him. He made me laugh. I made him laugh. I kept saying to myself, ‘Wow! This is how it’s supposed to feel, this is how it’s supposed to be.’
I’d never had that before. I never had that with my husband. He never made me laugh. He very rarely made me smile. He rarely could sit with me on the couch and have an engaging conversation for hours on end. It was very interesting and different for me. I felt I finally knew who I was and I was able to explore that with another man.
My girls have not met him yet and that’s something I’ve been going back and forth with. I wanted to protect them. I didn’t want to introduce someone new into their lives when they were going through this transition. They will get to meet him eventually, when the time is right and he is really looking forward to building a relationship with them.
I look at him and I think I’ve loved him all along but our lives never crashed together at the right time. Now, finally they did and I’m extremely happy. Because of that my ultimate walkaway from the divorce is I’m a happier person and I’m a better mother.
***
Sounds like a tale from the movies doesn’t it? Kristen did stress that her ex is not a bad person, just that it was not a good match. As a testament to that, they’ve been able to craft a committed co-parenting partnership and I’ll be sharing more about that tomorrow.
BTW … in case you’ve wondered about this, I always let my interviewees know when I’m publishing their story. Sometimes, if the story is posted using the interviewee’s real name, she’ll go ahead and comment but often times interviewees chose to use a fictitious name and so won’t comment publicly. They do read the postings though and so if you have a comment or a suggestion, such as the “right” time for Kristen to introduce her boyfriend to her girls, go ahead and leave it here. Hopefully she’ll see it.