With the monumental changes that are part and parcel of divorce, staying positive brings the light at the end of tunnel closer. Everyone will tell you how important it is to have a network of friends. However, I bet each one of us developed some mechanism for helping us to stay positive, to stay motivated and to stay upbeat.
One of mine was writing. I’d write down the tasks and projects I did for the first time – that reassured me I was competent and would be OK. Then I also wrote down the stuff I was happy not to have to deal with any more like no more arguments about the lack of intimacy or not tripping over his shoes which he invariably left in the middle of a doorway!
Maryan told me this story about a simple, inexpensive picture that obviously came to have special significance for her daughter:
“I was at Michaels (a craft store) getting something and I saw this little five by seven of Rosie the Riveter saying ‘We can do it.’ I thought what a great message for my daughter and for me. So I bought it and I bought this little frame and the whole thing couldn’t have cost me $15.
I put it up above the key rack by the garage door so every time we went to get a car key we would see it.”
After some years Maryan moved to a smaller house – her daughter had gone to college and she no longer needed the five bedroom house but Rosie obviously had special meaning.
“When I was moving, packing stuff up, my daughter came to me and asked me if she could have Rosie for her apartment. So I gave it to her and she now has it.”
Do you have a special picture to help you stay positive? What’s your trick to beating those self-doubts?