Yesterday, I introduced you to Kristen who shared that her first visit to see a divorce attorney was with her six-week old daughter in her arms. Today, she shares her decision to leave her marriage.
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I had extremely bad postpartum depression with my second daughter and it provided a bit of clarity for me with what made me happy and what didn’t. That was in 2007 and that was the first time I saw a divorce attorney. It really meant something when I was carrying my newborn daughter into the lawyer’s office, feeling like this is what I need to do, I just need to get out of this marriage.
I was just looking to be happy and to find real love with someone. It took a while but I finally mustered up the courage this past year to go ahead with the divorce.
I don’t think my ex ever thought I would go through with it. However, I think deep down inside he knew we were not meant to be. I think he knew that on the day we got married. He genuinely loved me but knew I didn’t love him back. He wanted me to love him but you can’t force that on someone.
I remember the day I moved the last box out of the house. He was sitting on the front steps and he had some tears in his eyes. I grabbed his hand and said, ‘I’m not just doing this for me. I’m doing it for you because you’re a good person. You’re not meant for me but you do deserve to find someone who’s going to love you back as much as you love her. When you find that person, you will come to me and you will thank me. As hard as this is, you will ultimately thank you.’
We’re only here one time and it doesn’t make sense to stay in something that doesn’t give you the happiness you deserve with your time on earth. At the same time, it is very scary to walk out of your comfort zone into the unknown but I’m really glad I did because I definitely found happiness, a lot of happiness.
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Kristen is absolutely right – it does take courage to leave a marriage with two very young children. I heard an interesting report on the radio the other day (I’d post a link if I could remember the show!) – they were saying that the prisoners of war in Vietnam who were optimists didn’t try to escape because they were the ones who thought the war was going to be over in the next few months and they’d be going home anyway. They ended up being prisoners for a long time. The prisoners who did try to escape however were described as ‘realists’ – they saw the situation as it was at the time and made a decision about how to change their situation.
As I was listening, I wondered if the same logic could be applied to marriage – do optimists stay in marriages even though they are unhappy?
Come visit again and hear about the ‘extreme happiness’ Kristen found.