When I reconnected with my college-friend Mark on Facebook, I quickly learned he was dating a girl from Malaysia and was at the time, in Manila in the Philippines visiting her. I was curious about how Mark, who lives in England, had connected with someone thousands of miles away. It was simple – online dating – and what lead Mark to an overseas dating site was his experience with dating in the UK – call it the good and the bad of online dating. Here’s Mark:
“I realized that at my age [early 50s], I wasn’t necessarily going to go out pubbing and clubbing to find someone so I went on the standard UK dating sites such as Girls Date Free, Plenty of Fish, Match.com. It was quite an ordeal really. I must have met up to about 50 women and that could be for a coffee, it could be meeting them possibly at their house, it could be going out to dinner. It’s really trying to see if there’s anything that clicks.
“It’s one thing to see a photo and start having some dialogue on a messaging system but you’ve got to meet them and see how you feel when you meet. Quite often people put up fictitious pictures or photos anywhere between five and 10 years in the past. In the end, I felt that unless I could see someone on webcam and see how they are, I’d probably waste my time if I went to meet them because of all the deception that goes on.
“I would say at my age, I’m too old to meet someone in the UK who would actually click with me. That’s the sad bit. Women in the UK in their 40s want to meet guys in their 30s. If I went on a dating site now, I’m pretty sure the average age of women looking at me would be 55. They all want younger. What seems very ironic to me is the fact that if they were still married, their husbands were probably the same age or older but when they’re looking for a new partner, he’s got to be younger.
“What led me to go overseas, are most of the women that I’ve met seem to have a lot of emotional and physical baggage. I would say probably about 60 percent of the women I met were abused at some point either by their husbands or members of their family at a young age. It’s been a minefield of people that have had problems. And then you have the thing about tattoos and piercings.
“I’ve had so much hassle in the UK with dating, I thought I would look elsewhere. I wanted someone who was gentle and easy going and that’s what I’m afraid I’ve had to go abroad to find.”
Certainly when I was in college, dating men who were the same age or older was the norm and dating a younger man was frowned upon – seen as a relationship that would never work. Mark’s comments about English women looking to date younger men echo some of Gail Sheehy’s findings about American women in Sex and the Seasoned Woman. Since I’m not ready to date, I have to confess it’s not a question I’ve given much thought to – I think I’ve just assumed I would prefer someone older – guess I better give that one some thought before I start filling out my online profile!
Come back tomorrow to find out about Mark’s overseas dating experience ….