A common mistake by many people in the early stages of divorce, is thinking they won’t have to deal with their STBX once the legal process is done. That may be true if you’re childless but if you have children together, there will likely always be some connection.That’s not the only situation. Another possibility is when your ex turns out to be mean and vindictive, like Lisa found.
Lisa had been married for over twenty years when she decided to end her sexless marriage. That’s when the torment started and it continued for almost four years, until Lisa moved out of state. Here’s Lisa
I had gotten the car in the divorce. A little Jetta. My son was driving the car to work and he called me one night and said,
“Mom, somebody hit me in your car. Where’s your insurance card?”
I asked if he was OK and he was and I told him the insurance card was in the glove compartment. I offered to go meet him
He said, “No, someone just hit the fender, but I can’t drive it because the wheel’s pushed in. Dad’s here.”
He was evidently at the scene because my son couldn’t get a hold of me because I was out to a movie with my boyfriend. My son said his friend was there and he’d get ride home from him. I looked at my boyfriend and said,
“I just think we should go.”
So we packed up, went over there, nobody was there and the car was gone. I called my son who told me the car had been towed.
“Where’d they tow the car to?” I asked.
“I don’t know, dad called a friend. The cop wanted to bring it somewhere but dad said he had a friend.”
Guess what? I never got the car back, ever. He took my car and it got repossessed. He never told me where it was. He wouldn’t give me the police report so I called the cops. They had the name of a tow yard. When I called the tow yard, they said my ex had called the bank and gave it back to the bank because it was still in his name. Even though I got it in the divorce, he couldn’t transfer it because it wasn’t paid off.
So I walked for one year in the rain, slipping and sliding on the highway, crying, with milk and all the food. I couldn’t work anymore, because I couldn’t get anywhere and there’s only so many bus things in Greensborough, it’s a pretty small place.
Finally my boyfriend who lives in D.C., said,
“Game’s up. I rented a truck, I’m coming to get you tomorrow. I’m done,” and then hung up.
He was there within six hours, we packed everything all night long. His little seven-year-old boy was there helping us. In the car we went. That was last November and I’ve never looked back and I’ve never been bothered again.
The Divorce Coach Says
@Mightbeatranny commented on the mean, vindictive ex post essentially that restraining orders only work for people who follow rules and almost by definition the people who are the reason for the restraining order, don’t follow rules. It’s insane that someone would behave this way and could go out of their way to wreak so much chaos and pain.
There also a very important cautionary tale here about the division of assets and this applies to everyone, men as well as women. For big ticket items that you are to own post-divorce, make sure you have the title to them free and clear. Only take possession of an item where payments are still owed, if you can takeover the payment plan in your own name and be responsible for making the payments. You do not want to be in the position of constantly wondering if your ex is going to make the payments or if it’s going to be repossessed.
And if that gets into a “I’ll do X, when you’ve done Y” mode, you can get help from your attorney who can hold completed transfer paperwork until your ex’s attorney also has the agreed paperwork.
And if you run into the “don’t you trust me” argument, the response is, “This isn’t about trust. This is a business transaction.”