In the first post in this Buck$ome Boomer series, Buck$ome shared that although she was devastated by the end of her marriage, she’s come to see that her husband was doing them both a favor asking for a divorce because she went on to meet the man who would become Mr. Buck$ome. They were married about three years after Buck$ome’s divorce and have now been married for fifteen years. Their relationship started out as a friendship and like many friendships, the kids were what brought them together. Here’s Buck$ome:
After my husband and I separated, I joined an organization called Parents Without Partners. It was not to meet a partner but to have a way to do things with my kids. I also wanted my kids to be around other men because their dad was in the Navy and he was gone for periods at a time.
Being sons, I felt they particularly needed to be around men. They mostly had female teachers in school, females in day care. Parents Without Partners was a safe way for us to go camping and to go to new places because we would go with a group. They also got to meet other kids who were from homes with only one parent.
A side benefit of that is that I did meet my husband. We always say that my second son was the one who picked him out because he started playing with Mr. Buck$ome at these gatherings. My son connected with him and that’s how we got to know each other.
So he had no problem with my new partner. It was a little hard for my older son. He had put himself in the position of man of the house. I didn’t put that on him, he just kinda assumed that role and at times he felt that what he thought was his authority was overruled by Mr. Buck$ome.
When we got married, my kids were thirteen and eight. He does have kids but his youngest was eighteen. Having a male in their life on a daily basis had a big impact on my sons which I think was very positive. My younger son was very involved with sports, so Mr. Buck$some coached his Little League team and stuff like that.
Mr. Buck$ome’s always gotten along really well with my ex-husband and sometimes he served as the intermediary between us. He was a good mediator whenever my ex and I had a disagreement about the kids because he could present my viewpoint and my ex liked him.
The irony of Buck$ome meeting her new partner through the Parents Without Partners organization was that once they were married, they were no longer eligible to be members and had to leave!
I found it interesting that Mr. Buck$ome took on a mediator role at times – I know it doesn’t always work out that way – it’s not always one big happy family. I know situations where a new partner actively makes the relationship between ex’s worse. How does your ex get on with your new partner? have you done anything in particular to foster that relationship?
Photo Credit: Ed Yourdon at Flickr