If you’ve just gone through divorce, your New Year’s resolutions might look a little different than last year. Instead of improving your marriage or making more time for your spouse, you now have time to prioritize other things. This year, taking care of yourself should be first on the list. It’s time to put yourself first, take back your independence and appreciate your own self-worth. Here are some steps to take for refocusing on self-care and maybe even finding new love after divorce in 2019.
Get Back In Touch With Your Health
A lot of spouses lose confidence in their physical appearance or self-worth and they might not even realize it until their divorce is finalized. Not only can marriage itself be exhaustive but all the stress of going through the divorce process can be harsh on both your mental and physical well-being. Your body will tell you a lot about your health if you listen to it’s signs and signals. If you have headaches that tylenol can’t touch or cold sores that cold sore medication can’t treat, your body could be telling you that you’re too stressed. If you have lingering back pain and sore muscles, your body may be crying out for help. Every year you get older becomes more important that you take care of yourself. Use some of your new free time to be active. Take a yoga class, go for a bike ride in a new neighborhood or hike up a mountain you’ve never seen. Most importantly, do an activity that doesn’t feel like work- one that will allow you to have fun.
2019 Goal: Schedule a doctor’s appointment by February for a checkup.
Forgive And Move Forward
The divorce journey can create an insane amount of tension and resentment between not only you and your ex but the loved ones surrounding you. Lots of negative emotions come up amidst all the sensitive discussions and disagreements. One of the most important things you can do as a step forward is to forgive. It could be that you need to forgive your ex for the hurtful things they’ve said or done, or maybe you need to forgive yourself. Maybe you’ve done something that you regret or said something you wish you could take back. The guilt that comes with a feeling like this is constantly sitting in the back of your mind. It’s essential that you forgive yourself for the things you can’t change and accept your past for what it is. Grow from the mistakes that you made in your relationship and learn to be a better person in future relationships because of them. Find someone that you trust to talk to about your feelings and mistakes so you can address them and progress. Sometimes it can be hard to find someone who understands what you’re going through. Talking to a professional and diving into your feelings will allow you to move forward without being judged or misunderstood.
2019 Goal: Talk to one friend/professional about your feelings once a month. Write about it.
Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone
People often go through years of marriage only to find themselves in a rut which eventually leads to divorce. This low point comes when you fall into the same daily routine of monotonous behaviors and tasks that allow you to get too comfortable. You and your spouse might forget to spice things up, go to new places and try new things. Now that you’re single with time to yourself, it’s hard to come up with what to do next. The best thing you can do for yourself is to get uncomfortable. Don’t allow yourself to fall into the same rut that brought you to where you are now. Talk to new people, try new classes and learn new things. Go out on dates with people you never would have given a chance before you got married. Remember you have nothing to lose. Going out on a date you’re unsure about could turn out to be one of the best dates of your life. Give someone out of your comfort zone a chance. If you’re not sure you’re ready to date, that’s okay too. Take all the time you need to get back to your happiest self.
2019 Goal: Introduce yourself to one new person a month at a new place.
Reconnect With Yourself
Think back to the happiest time of your life. Recall what you would do and who was around you. If you’ve lost the part of yourself that had fun and was genuinely happy, channel that version of yourself and start doing what you used to love. If you used to have fun in a weekly bowling league with friends, maybe you pick that back up. If you used to take long walks by yourself, incorporate that into your schedule. If you used to have fun hanging out with an old friend you lost touch with, reach back out. Send them a message or give them a call. See how they’re doing and you might gain back an old friend. Catch up with friends and family who lift you up when you’re feeling down whether it’s been days or years. Renewing old relationships can bring you back to the best version of yourself.
2019 Goal: Get in touch with one old friend a month.
Be Okay With Being Alone
Sometimes, dating after divorce isn’t part of your story- and that’s okay. Before you venture into the dating world, you need to be comfortable and confident in yourself. Put yourself first, acknowledge your weaknesses that have been pushed aside and take the time to improve on them and grow. It’s true when they say it’s hard to be happy with someone else until you’re truly happy with yourself. So, grow comfortable doing things alone. Once you cater to your weaknesses and build upon your strengths, you’ll have the self-confidence needed to show people the best version of yourself. When you’re fully healthy and happy, you’ll start being more open to new dating opportunities that could eventually lead to love.
2019 Goal: Do one new activity alone a week. Write about it.
Capri is an advocate for the physical and mental health of women and men everywhere. She believes that spreading awareness of the best practices for health and wellness is an important method for helping people their best lives.