We grow up receiving messages about marriage and divorce, what they are, what they aren’t, what’s right, what’s wrong. Those messages come from lots of sources: parents, religion, media, movies and personal experience. Often times we carry these messages subconsciously and when divorce goes against these messages, it can cause great turmoil and conflict. Ultimately though it’s about learning to trust yourself. If you let them, your instincts will guide you to do what’s right for you.
My current guest, Suzy was in a marriage without intimacy for over ten years and being a fundamentalist Christian at the time, trying to decide to end the marriage was a struggle. Suzy’s instincts were telling her what to do but she was having trouble listening to them. Here’s Suzy:
When I was in Singapore and I was starting to really grapple with all of this, I would go out for hour long walks everyday and basically cry for an hour. It was just really, incredibly hard. This is where I think I really started shifting and opening up more to just the unknown: less religion and practicality and much more spirituality.
I would see this man run past me. I don’t know what it was. It was like a being of some sort run past me and he was dressed in gold. Very strange. He would yell, “Take it when it comes,” and this happened several times a week. It would spook me, because I thought, “I’m losing it. I’ve gone around the bend.” But it kept happening and so I kept praying and saying, “What in the world is this.”
By the time I got to Washington, all of these things had happened but I couldn’t put it together. I was too befuddled. Even in Washington, I would go on my long walks when we first got there and the runner was still running past me saying, “Take it when it comes,” so I knew it was something to do with Washington D.C.
I’d have dreams about, “Don’t go to D.C.” That would show back up. Not the being in gold but other beings were telling me this. I kept having dreams of an angel—this is where it gets weird—telling me, “Stay. Don’t go.” There was this little voice in my soul saying, “Stay in Washington,” and I was like, “I can’t take my kids from their dad.” I was still enabling.
It was such a difficult decision.
Then a friend suggested I go to this psychic, and that was really helpful because I just couldn’t do it. It just was too much for me at that time. I walked in the room, she sat me down, she didn’t know me from a bag of chili and she said, “Don’t move to D.C. Don’t do it. Stay in Washington.” Can you believe that?
The psychic said, “If you go to Washington, something terrible is going to happen to you.” I talked to two other psychics who both said the same thing. One of them said I was going to die. It was really intense. All three of them said there was something dark in Washington D.C. and that I shouldn’t go.
The psychic that I went to see in Portland said, “You need to stay in Washington and heal.” She said, “You are deeply wounded by your marriage and Washington is a healing place for you. You need to take care of you, number one, right now because otherwise you’re going to get extremely sick.” And I had already started getting physically sick. I developed IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) during all of this.
She said, “Your IBS is going to get so much worse. It could even develop into cancer. That’s how devastating this is for your body.” She said, “You need to stay in Washington and heal, maybe go back to school, become a writer, because you’re a writer.” She just laid this whole thing out and I, at the time, had never thought about being a writer until she said, “This is what you need to do,” and I was completely befuddled. I just couldn’t believe it.
I told her about my vision and about the voices and that I was losing my mind. She said, “No, this is all of your guides coming forward and they’re basically batting you on the head and saying, ‘This is what you need to do.’”
The Divorce Coach Says
I know that the idea of visiting a psychic and following advice from a psychic may make you uncomfortable but this is a good example of opening yourself up for help from whatever sources speak to you.
Are you uncomfortable paying attention to your dreams? They are another form of your subconscious telling you what to do. To me, it’s interesting that Suzy was having dreams about not going to D.C. but she wasn’t listening to them or she wasn’t seeing them for what they are. She wasn’t ready to trust herself.
They were also going against the social norm messages she was carrying … “it’s wrong to take children away from their father.”
This is where I think it can be helpful to explore where those messages came from, to understand the background to them. Then rather than struggling to follow the rule trying imagining what would happen if you didn’t, what would be the consequences? Would it be so bad?
Have you visited a psychic? Do you have a recurring dream? What do you think it’s telling you?