When I meet friends who haven’t seen me for a while, they will invariably asked how my children are coping with the divorce. It’s a natural question because it is always an adjustment for children. I do think though the way we as parents handle the divorce is a barometer for how the children react. So hearing how well T had handled her divorce and how her ex had blossomed as a dad, I wasn’t surprised when T said her girls were happy.
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My older daughter was 4 and my younger one was a year old when their dad moved out. My older daughter is a little miniature version of me and she’s very intuitive and spiritual. The day he left, I explained to her that I was going to be upset. When he walked out the door, she was sitting next to me, crawled into my lap, put her arms around me and said, ‘That’s OK Mommy. You can marry somebody else.’
We tried to keep them first and foremost as the center of what we needed to be focused on. So we never had them see us fight, we did everything we could to show them we respected each other.
My oldest mourned for a little while and she would go through phases where she would say, ‘I wish you and Daddy would live together.’ I think because they were so young the transition was easier. I imagine for older children it would be more difficult.
The girls love spending time with their dad and he loves spending time with them and they get excited when they’re coming home. They’re great in school, they’re self-motivated and healthy. It seems to be going to very well. I’m blessed. Somewhere in there we did something right.
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I don’t think there’s any age at which divorce is easier for children to handle. Maybe age is a factor but I think the bigger factors are how much about their daily routine is changed and how much their relationship with both parents changes. It hasn’t come up in any of my interviews yet, but I also suspect that the transition is easier if there are no third parties involved. What say you?
You can read more about T and her quest for self discovery at her blog, Quest for T and you can follow her on Twitter – @TsQuest.