Towards the end of last year I had a few girlfriends over for a dinner party and inevitably the conversation turned to New Year’s resolutions. One of my friends, who has been divorced now for almost two years, told us that her resolution was ‘to go on one date, just one date.’
At first I thought that was a little strange. I was thinking that if you were really ready to start dating then why would you limit yourself to just one date? What if that one date was with someone you really hit it off with? If you went on one date, why wouldn’t you go on more?
Then I talked to her some more and now I totally get it. It actually makes a lot of sense. She had married her high school sweetheart and they’d been together for almost 20 years. If you’ve been with the same person for that length of time, never kissing another man, never even holding hands with another man, then the whole idea of dating is intimidating and overwhelming.
She also doesn’t have much free time – she works, has three children in elementary and middle school and her children live with her most of the time. Probably like most of us, even when the children are with their dad, they can still call and be in need of her. That gets you wondering how you could possibly date anyone on a regular basis so why even bother?
However, ‘just one date’ is like putting your toe in the water. It narrows the scope. It’s not a big project – maybe I could go for coffee or lunch. And then, on that one date you get to dust off and practice those flirting skills you put away ages ago. I would think “one date” would be a big confidence booster.
Now the big question would be how to go about meeting the candidate for the date. Sam, a dating coach at Spark Life recommends breaking that down into smaller steps. His idea is to first practice meeting strangers and introducing yourself. Here are his Tips for Approaching Men and Women in Everyday Life. I like his advice – practice baby steps to build your confidence and don’t jump ahead of yourself.
What do you think about the “Just one date” idea – does it help you think about dating again? Maybe you’re already dating – what helped you?