Adjusting to a new financial reality after divorce was what Buck$ome Boomer (@Bucksome) remembered as being the hardest aspect of her divorce. Another hard one? Managing your career. Here’s Buck$ome:
When you have sole responsibility of your kids, it is really hard career-wise because I felt I was always juggling to get ahead at work so I could make more money to provide for my family but balancing that with being there for my kids. That was a big struggle .
I think if you have a partner, you don’t have all that pressure on yourself because there’s somebody else there who can help carry the load. You wouldn’t have to say you couldn’t stay late to do something because you had to pick them up from daycare. Getting remarried definitely helped in that respect.
When I got divorced, I was working as an executive assistant but I was going to school at night for my degree, which I’ve since earned, to be able to get a higher-paying job. At the time, I was also in the Reserves because I was in the Military previously. With the divorce, something had to go and what I gave up was being in the Reserves. That meant I gave up a retirement. I would have been able to have a future retirement benefit if I had been able to finish twenty years but it was just a matter of of survival. Working full-time, going to school and raising two sons was enough!
I wish that I didn’t have to give it up but I don’t regret doing so. I think it was more important to give up the Reserves than give up finishing college because I have the job I have today because I was able to finish. The job I have today requires a college degree and I would never have gotten that unless I graduated.
The Divorce Coach Says
While I think there is evidence to support there being less stigma attached to divorce now than twenty years ago, I think the two challenges that Buck$ome faced after her divorce – finances and career – still hold true. Having less money after divorce was one of my universal truths and a number of the women I’ve interviewed have gone back to school after divorce to train for a new career, all driven by the need to support their families.
I think that’s a huge dilemma because I know how difficult it is to work full-time and to be able to participate in your children’s school activities or even to keep up their schedules and schoolwork, filling out field trip forms and permission slips, sending in goodies for a class celebration and … and …
So what’s the answer? I’ve heard of a couple of situations where two divorced women, who are good friends,not sexual partners, have decided to share a house because it makes raising the children much easier. I love the sound of this … makes so much sense. I’d love to talk to anyone who’s in this situation.
What else has worked for you?
This was the final post in this series on Buck$ome – thank you, for sharing your story. During this series, Buck$ome mentioned how she regretted that her divorce settlement didn’t include a share of her ex’s military retirement and how she gave up the possibility of a retirement benefit with the Reserves. That means she’s now having to diligently work towards her retirement goal. You can read about those challenges at her blog, Buck$ome Boomer’s Journey to Retirement.
Up next is a new series with Susan who contacted me after I was featured in the Denver Post. Susan has been separated now for five years and her and her ex have decided not to divorce until their youngest reaches eighteen which will be next year. That was the first part of her story that grabbed me. The second was her quest against allowing herself to be a victim of her husband’s combat PTSD. Hope you’ll be back to follow Susan’s story.
Photo Credit: hans s at Flickr