Parenting is hard work and it’s even harder when it’s important to partner with your child’s other partner but it’s too painful to see your ex or for your ex to see you:
The only time my ex and I had trouble was in the first two years after our divorce. I was devastated, he was devastated in a way he couldn’t even look at me. He couldn’t be around me. It was so hard. I never would have expected that nine years out we would be at my daughter’s birthday party together, laughing about things. ~ Lora
Lora and her husband were married for 18 years. She says it’s hard to put a finger on why she left and why she had to leave but she did. The marriage was dead for her but it wasn’t for him and that made co-parenting challenging.
The Divorce Coach Says …
Don’t under-estimate the difference that time can make to your relationship with your ex.
It’s unrealistic to think that you and your ex will be able to co-parent smoothly together right from the beginning. The two of you are renegotiating your relationship with each other, you’re figuring out how best to communicate, you’re both establishing your own individual parent relationship with your child (as opposed to being “mom and dad”), your child is navigating two separate homes, different rules and different parenting styles. And that’s even without figuring out the logistics and the emotional trauma of ending your marriage.
Know that it isn’t going to be perfect. There will be bumps. There will be disagreements. There will be situations you don’t handle very well. There’s a learning curve and it’s a process. But it is a process that starts with setting the intention to allow each other to be actively involved in your child’s life.