After her two catalytic moments, Jenni knew it was time to leave. She was a long way from being certain that everything would work out but like the tea box said, she was pretty sure that she if she leaped, the net would appear. For about as long as she’d been thinking about leaving, she’d been thinking of finishing her education and committing to that was the opportunity she needed.
I’d been toying with the idea of going to school off and on probably for about seven or eight years and I just never thought I could do it. He kind of made me feel stupid. I was the stupid one in the relationship. I had a 1.97 GPA in high school. I hated school and never applied myself. I just didn’t do well.
When my husband and I would fight, he’d tell me I would never make it on my own, that he was the one with the education and the money. He said he’d use that in court against me so he could keep the children.
He’s almost finished with his Ph.D and although he said he wanted me to go to school, I never felt it was for an equal opportunity. It was always, “wait until I’m done.”
When I realized I had had enough, I went and signed up for school. Part of it was a financial strategy. I knew I could get extra loan money if I went full-time and I would be able support myself with an apartment and at least a couple of months’ money to live on. But it’s not just about the money. I love school now and I love the learning. It’s been completely different. I have a 3.87 GPA now!
I do and I don’t worry about the loans. I figure they will take care of themselves eventually, not in a “put in a box and hope that Prince Charming comes along sense,” but that it will work out.
Right now I’m doing all the basic classes and I’m not sure what I’ll end up majoring in. Currently, I’m working towards a degree in fine art and graphic design but I feel like writing is something I should be doing. I don’t know what I’ll do when I graduate. I’ve been a hairdresser for eighteen years and I love what I do but at the same time I’d like to try making it at something else.
We’re pretty flexible in our parenting plan so that makes it easier for me to juggle work, the children and school. I’ve had some day classes and some evening classes and also an online class which I can do from home even if I have the kids.
He has helped me out financially and told me that he respects the hell out of me for standing up to him and doing this on my own, going ahead and pursuing an education. He says he’s doesn’t want to see me fail.
Moving out was a huge relief – that was just over a a year since I moved out and I know in my heart of hearts, I’ve done the right thing.
The Divorce Coach Says
Going back to school and committing to a physical challenge are the two most common goals set by women I’ve interviewed. Susan was afraid she wouldn’t be able to support herself and went back to school to get a nursing certification. Evvy went to grad school when her marriage of forty-two years ended.
I was really encouraged when Jenni told me she was in school – she’d spent so many years helping her husband get his advanced degree and listening to him put her down because of the lack of her education. I love it that her GPA is so strong. That’s proof staring her in the face, that she can absolutely do this.
I don’t think it matters that Jenni doesn’t know what she wants to do when she graduates and I’m glad she’s following her heart and taking courses she enjoys. We don’t know about many careers and job possibilities until we’re actually in that field.
I was a little nervous at first about the debt she was taking on with no concrete plan to repay it but I think that’s the cautious side of me coming out. Hopefully graduating college will position Jenni for higher paying work and those student loans will be worth it.
Jenni faces probably three or four years of school before she graduates and there is no doubt, it is hard to juggle school, work and children. Do you think it’s worth it? Is Jenni doing the smart thing for her future?