Today, I’m wrapping up Swati’s series and for this final segment, I asked Swati what she considered to be her greatest accomplishment. It wasn’t having the courage to end her marriage and it wasn’t committing to a new love. It was creating a happy life. Here’s Swati:
I think creating a really positive and happy life and household for myself and my daughter is my greatest accomplishment, because I really felt at the bottom. I felt at the bottom emotionally, physically, financially, everything. I’m very fortunate because I know I can earn the money, get myself back up, but to really create a loving and positive household and life, that takes a lot of work, and I feel like I can see the fruits of all my labor. I can see that the time I put in with my daughter is coming back a hundredfold at me.
When I left, my most immediate concern was “I better get working and build up enough money to pay rent” and I needed to take care of my daughter because I have her ninety-seven percent of the time. So these were the most pressing. I got them under control. I’d put on weight, so I focused on that again and then my career, and slowly it comes back. I did a lot of the normal things people do, I took up yoga, I saw a therapist, I tried lots of new activities, pottery, art, and so on.
For a very long time I kept wishing,
“I just want us to be happy again, I just want us to be happy again.”
Then one day, out of habit that same sentence came in my head and I was like,
“Oh my God, we are happy! We’re here!”
I hadn’t noticed it.
“We’re here!”
Unfortunately it just takes time, there’s no quick answer. I had lots of great friends, wonderful family, I really couldn’t have asked for more support that way, but it just takes time.
I would also say that I never realized how strong I was. When something like this happens in your life, you’re put to a test and it wasn’t until my friend said to me “oh my goodness, you are so strong” that I saw that I was strong.
“I am that person who did these things.”
And that’s a good thing to know about yourself.
The Divorce Coach Says
I’m glad Swati spoke about this because I think it is all too easy to dismiss creating a happy home. There are no recognition ceremonies, no press releases, no celebratory dinners in your honor, no fancy certificates and chances are your children aren’t going to say anything. There’s no date you can pinpoint like when you get a new job or a promotion. So it’s all too easy to not even think about this as an accomplishment and yet it is. Absolutely. Without a doubt.
And as Swati says it’s easy to let this go by unnoticed. So take a moment right now, and think about all that you’ve done in the time since the end of your marriage, the tasks you’ve learned to do around the house, the hundreds of little ways you’ve helped your children…. And give yourself a big hug!
As I said, this is the last post in Swati’s story and I’d like to thank her for sharing. You are amazing!
Photo Credit: .Andi.