Cathy was another lady I interviewed very early on in this project and I wanted to share her story again because it is another story of hope. Cathy was with her husband for twenty-nine years and says it was a troubled marriage from the start. Over the years, she built a protective cocoon around herself and shut herself down both emotionally and sexually. When we spoke, Cathy described rediscovering her sexuality and finding her pilot light lover as her most significant accomplishment since her divorce. Here’s Cathy:
Gail Sheehy, who Cathy mentions, describes the ‘Pilot Light Lover‘ as a transitional figure who reignites a midlife woman’s capacity for love and sex….
“Falling into romantic love after fifty makes a single woman feel very vulnerable and for good reason. The Pilot Light Lover rarely lasts. He maybe a married man disguised as a single, or a great lover but unsuitable life partner – but so what? After the heartache wears off, a woman who is on her way to becoming seasoned should be able to celebrate the Pilot Light Lover’s role in her journey.” (Sex and the Seasoned Woman by Gaily Sheehy)
The Divorce Coach Says
What I found very telling about this was Cathy’s comment about discovering she was normal, that there was nothing physically wrong her that was preventing her from enjoying sex with her husband, what was holding her back was the relationship. It’s the proverbial treating the symptom rather than the cause …
Maybe you’ve experienced your Pilot Light Lover; maybe you’re reading this and thinking such love only happens in the movies, maybe you’re thinking love like this doesn’t happen after fifty. I do know that love like this doesn’t happen unless you’re willing to be vulnerable. Are you?