After 48 hours of terror, Vivianne realized her children’s safety is more important than her wedding vows and she left her husband. Many of the women I’ve talked to have struggled to accept that they broke their wedding vows, regardless of the circumstances. It was hard for Vivianne who is a Catholic and raised by devout Catholic parents. Here’s how she feels about it:
Being Catholic means that unless you get a divorce through the Church, you cannot remarry in the Church. In the eyes of the Church, I am still married to my ex. I was raised by very religious parents, very devout Catholics who have been married for over 45 years so ending my marriage had a huge impact on me.
I do still consider myself Catholic and I still go to church. I did speak to a priest over a year ago about what was going on and how that would impact my future. They basically told me the procedure I needed to go through to get a Catholic divorce and it seemed so complicated. Given that I had already gone through so much to get a divorce civilly, I just couldn’t face going through more to get the Catholic Church to acknowledge my divorce.
I have struggled with trying to find exactly where I fit in terms of my religion and I have thought about looking for a different Christian church but my existing church is where I find the most peace. I feel comfortable with the Catholic religion, despite all the negative media.
Your faith is between you and your god. One imperfect person or the mistakes of another should not impact how your faith is with that god. I think the 10 Commandments are a wonderful framework for how we should conduct ourselves By following them, by maintaining your behavior in terms of humanity, you can continue to thrive in your faith.
The Divorce Coach Says
Vivianne is remarried now – more to come on that – but since she is not divorced in the eyes of the Roman Catholic church, they had a civil ceremony and she’s OK with that.
Vivianne’s an attorney and handled her own divorce – while that may avoid legal fees, I’m not sure if that makes it any easier emotionally or logistically. I can well understand why she didn’t want to jump through more hoops to get her marriage annulled by the Church. I’m not familiar with the Catholic faith but I hope the door is stays open for her … maybe when all the memories have faded and aren’t as painful, she’ll try again.
Photo Credit: William Butler Yeats