Divorce for most of us is a very private, intensely personal time. Often times it’s the culmination of long periods of struggle during which time the public face of our marriage portrays a very different picture. Letting go of the facade and going public with your divorce then comes as a relief. Sharing your experience and allowing others to support you makes the experience easier. Here’s Rhoda:
It’s not anything I planned when I was a young person in my 20’s, thinking about getting married, wanting to get married. I never would have dreamed that I would have been so unsuccessful in marriage. It is not one of those things you plan on, sometimes it happens whether you want it to or not.
It is still not something I am proud of or happy about at all. I am not proud of being married more than once. I grew up in a Christian home and my dad is the pastor so I grew up knowing and believing that the right thing to do is to marry one person and stay with them for life.
But, when you go through heart ache and disappointment and disillusion with marriage sometimes that changes. I have not changed my ideal. I still think the ideal is one woman and one man for life, I do still feel that way in my heart but I know that is not always the way it is going to turn out.
I certainly do not have judgment on other people that have been through some of the same things that I have been through. My being judgmental about divorce has certainly gone out the door now since this happened to me.
My faith has played a key part in my divorce, in getting the happiness and the contentment that I have right now. I can say without a doubt that my faith in God has definitely helped. I know that whether or not I find a man in this life again, I’ve got Him. He’s on my side. I can count on Him every single day.
It’s never ever easy, never. There’s always going to be pain and it’s just horrible to go through. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. It’s a hard road and I don’t think there’s any easy way to go through anything like that. Hopefully you have good friends and a family that will help you through any kind of heart ache and pain that you’re going through.
There’s so many people that do go through it, so the good thing is we can all kind of learn and share, share with each other about our own past. And I have put it out there. I wanted people to know kind of what I’ve been dealing with. It took me a while to get it out there, but I finally did and my readers have been so supportive. Unbelievably supportive through all this. They’ve been wonderful.
It’s definitely important to get a support group. Having people there with you and it will help you walk through it. And you will get to the other side and there is life after divorce. Definitely there is life after divorce.
The Divorce Coach Says
Having support going through divorce is crucial. A support group could be a formal, advertised group but if that idea doesn’t appeal to you or you can’t find one that’s convenient it could be four or five close friends or family members. Be selective about choosing your support group members.
You want people who are non-judgmental, supportive and discreet. Having someone who has experience with divorce is helpful. However, it’s also important to choose people who are going to be honest, who will have the strength to call you out when your behavior is driven by degrees of anger, resentment, revenge or hurt. You certainly don’t want your support group members adding fuel to your divorce fire.
What do you think are the best characteristics of supportive friends? How do you choose what to share and what to keep private?
Rhoda writes the fantastic blog Southern Hospitality which is all about home decorating. She’s been blogging about renovating the fixer-upper she purchased after her divorce – it’s loaded with design ideas, how-to’s and the amazing support she gets from her parents. Well worth the time to visit …
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