Wrapping up this interlude of guest posts, I am very excited to feature one of my favorite bloggers, T from Life as a Classroom.
I believe we are all sexual beings.
I believe a good sexual attitude should be a part of a holistic wellness system for humans, the same as diet, exercise and rest.
I believe sexual attraction is what leads us to partner with others.
And I believe that a solid sexual relationship is part of a solid healthy relationship.
Most of the above I already believed intrinsically when I first began having sex with the man I would later marry. Much of my beliefs, however, came after the divorce from a long marriage lacking in sexual awareness, shame and long bouts of not working through our differences. We stopped talking. We stopped communicating… and sex is part of that communication.
Sadly, this seems to be a common theme in divorce. From writing about my own experience, I’ve connected with dozens of divorced or still married people who had dissatisfying sexual relationships with their partners. Mandy has interviewed many divorcees with the same unfortunate experiences, IronSpineSally, Lisa and Andrea most recently.
Initially, we overlook it. Maybe the sex was great, at first. Maybe life just seems to get in the way. But then it begins to spill over into the relationship itself. Resentment builds. Secrets are kept. The wall is too high to bring back down.
Sex, like health, is something that does take some work and education. There is so much to be discovered in a great sexual experience with a partner. Part of that experience is knowing what pleases you. You cannot expect your partner to know you. Only YOU know you.
Do you know what turns you on?
Do you know your inherent beliefs, good or bad, about your body and sex?
As with any facet of a relationship, the sexual side of you must be discovered, nurtured and explored. To know yourself, to understand what you desire… makes a great partner, not only during sex, but in a relationship as a whole.
I ‘m not ashamed to say I’ve read books, watched videos and bought sex toys to better KNOW me. In fact, I recommend it! I’ve even recommended it to married people who want to rekindle a spark. I’m still experimenting and learning about what pleases me. It’s an ongoing joyful adventure. I’ve learned to love my body. I’ve learned to speak up. I’ve learned to honor myself. I’ve even begun to appreciate using my lover as a sex toy too!
In order to feel intimate with another, find the intimacy in being alone. Become vulnerable with yourself. Allow yourself to feel, openhearted and open-minded. Vulnerability creates intimacy. It will seem frightening to explore with another if you’ve not explored it alone.
Then you can attract a better partner by BEING a better partner to yourself. Learn how you wish to be treated so you’ll recognize it when it’s right in front of you and learn to ask for it too.
Now get out and enjoy every savory second!
Other links: Sex Information and Online Position Guide
Tuesdays With Nina (Year End Review for 2011) – Nina Hartley is a porn star/registered nurse and gives fantastic advice for ANY question! Check this link for her weekly advice.
A link to my own sexual journey… still ongoing…
Photo Credit: marsmet462