Sooner or later chances are that your ex will start dating and that will inevitably create some emotions for you. It’s tempting to interpret their decision to date as a reflection on some aspect of your relationship. That’s unproductive because at best you’re just guessing and at worst you’re agonizing over something that’s out of your control.
He started dating somebody within a few months and there was a part of me that was like, “Wow, he’s really broken up over a 20-year relationship.” It’s not like that didn’t occur to me but I had a choice. I knew my goal was that we could do things still as a family, have friendships still as a family and just not be a couple. So I asked myself how much time needs to by to get to that place and I decided I got to choose and I’m choosing now. I just decided to make it OK.
Michelle and her husband were married for sixteen years, together for twenty-one. Eighteen months after her divorce, Michelle was happy for her ex which was quite remarkable given that by the time their marriage was ending, communication between them had deteriorated to the point where couples therapy was not an option. She’d realized, quite simply that she had a choice.