Is there any parent whose children haven’t asked ‘Are you going to get divorced?’ Barbara Molfese’s children asked her that when the parents of friends of theirs were divorcing. She said, ‘Daddy and I will never divorce’ and truly believed it.
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I did not see it coming. He was very funny, lots of fun to be with and for many years, things were good. He always had big ideas. He’d go round and talk to everybody about how he was going to be a comedian or how he was going to work for an ad agency and he would invest a lot of energy into his projects. As soon as they began to show the slightest sign they might actually work he would either lose interest or sabotage the plans he’d worked so hard on.
I didn’t care if he became a comedian or if he worked for an ad agency. I think it really was really trying to prove to his family that he could be a success and that meant making a lot of money whereas I was really happy with our life as it was.
He was a typographer and worked at a company near South Station in Boston. Sometimes he worked days, sometimes the second shift but the third shift made the most money. All of the people he worked with were strange eccentrics, some Vietnam vets, some alcoholics, a lot of drug use and because of this strange schedule, they would be living in a twilight world when everyone else was asleep.
He was bi-polar and for a long time as his condition worsened, I didn’t know it because he planned his life so he came home after the kids and I were asleep and he would go to sleep just before we got up. The only time we saw him was on weekends. That should have been a sign but I didn’t recognize it as that. It was a strange way of life.
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Barbara was with her husband for 14 years during which time he steadily withdrew from their relationship. Over the next couple of days I’ll be sharing the tragic events that led to their divorce and how Barbara found her true calling.
I don’t remember the specific occasion when my children asked if we would divorce but I do remember side-stepping the question – most likely explaining that we were just having a discussion and that when people disagree it’s important to talk about it. My response wasn’t because I could feel or tell what our future held but more because I felt there was no telling what the future would bring. Did your children ever ask you if you would get divorced? How did you respond? Do you remember ever asking your parents that question?