Divorce doesn’t come as relief only to adults. Children also feel the pre-divorce tension even in marriages where the conflict is not open.
It was such a relief because there was so much tension and distance between them. I felt they never should have gotten married but if I had ever said that then the response was, “but then you wouldn’t exist.” It reminded me that there was some good in a bad situation. ~ Ashley
Ashley’s parents ended their marriage when she was about 14 and for Ashley their divorce came as a relief.
The Divorce Coach Says
There’s a natural tendency to recognize that your divorce will be difficult not just for you but also for your children. This looking forward can overshadow making a realistic evaluation of the impact that the current status of the relationship between you and your STBX is having on your children.
If you know that you’re going to feel less tension in the home when you and your STBX are living apart, then you can be reasonably assured that your children will too, even if they haven’t made any remarks.
You might think you’re doing a good job of keeping the disagreements and conflicts hidden but your children will be picking up on your serious, sad, quiet moods, your distracted presence, the absence of chatter, the absence of laughter and joy, and the separate activities you and your STBX have been orchestrating. While they may not be able to pinpoint all these at the time, hindsight will likely bring understanding.
If you are considering staying together until your children are older, which is a very legitimate consideration, then it’s critical to make sure you’re making an accurate assessment of the state of your home. And if you’re feeling guilty about getting divorced, then remember what life is truly like right now.
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