In a culture that reveres marriage and especially long term marriage, marriage vows come first but that shouldn't always be the case: My daughter said, "Mommy, I want to leave here. I want to be able to sleep in peace. I don't want to be scared all the time." That's when it hit me that I was putting my marriage vow in front of my children's well-being and that could not be. ~ … [Read more...]
Wisdom From Divorce: Losing Your Voice In Your Marriage
It's hard for some people to understand how this happens but it's not uncommon for someone to lose their sense of self in a marriage: My ex was much older and took on this subtle parent role. He was very controlling down to what we ate, what clothes he approved of me wearing. We ended up having a pretty sheltered life. By the time we split up I didn't know who I was. I didn't … [Read more...]
Wisdom From Divorce: Learning To Trust Yourself After Divorce
Divorce makes people scared of committing to another relationship, scared of falling in love again. How often have you heard, "I don't know if I'll be able to trust someone else again?" Yet, the real trust issue might not be about other people. Being with someone else was less about learning to trust someone else and more learning to trust myself and my instincts about that … [Read more...]
Wisdom From Divorce: No One To Take Care Of You
Ending your marriage means the end of "us," "we," and "our" and the start of "me," "I," and "mine:" I've always had somebody taking care of me. I've always had somebody sort of following my every whim, everything I needed. All of a sudden it was just me and I had to be the person who did that. It was very challenging and emotionally trying. ~ Student Mama StudentMama was in … [Read more...]
Wisdom From Divorce: It Is OK To Miss Your Spouse
Divorce means losing your partner and no matter what the circumstances of your divorce it is only natural to miss your spouse: It was realizing that when I got someplace there was no one to call at the end of day and say, "Hey, don't worry, got here, everything's great," or no one to call at the end of the day and say, "Wow, let me tell you what was cooking." I've got some … [Read more...]