After twenty-years of a sexless marriage, and years of marriage therapy, Lisa was seriously considering divorce but thought they should give the marriage one last chance. Wanting to go to New York City to try and ignite some intimacy, she left the hotel booking to her husband. Imagine her horror and disappointment on entering their hotel room only to find … bunk beds! Here’s Lisa:
It was so funny. It’s called “The Pod.” It’s one of those funky little trendy boutique places that are pretty inexpensive, but cool and new, and I had told him “just get something there.”
I’ve stayed there a million times for business and it’s just really, really cool. A lot of backpacking kids stay there, I guess but you can get a studio room or bunk beds or a queen size or whatever. Bathroom in the room or down the hall, that whole thing, and he went ahead and got the bunk beds, and I’m like “really?”
Even in that venue, I tried to get things going and he was just not into it. We went to Central park one day and he went ahead and he would walk ahead of me and I’d just sit down on the waterfall and I’m looking at him going, “Where are you? You’ve never been with me.”
He wouldn’t even notice I was gone or I was there for like forty minutes. I got a sunburn watching him. Finally I had to text him, “Can you come over here now? I’m dying for some water, something to drink.”
He didn’t want to go dancing, didn’t want to go to a bar, no wine. Any restaurant. I said, “Do you want to go to meat packing district? I know this really cool place.” “No, I just want to get some wings and a beer.” He picked something a block from our hotel, and he’d ignore me, just look around at the cars and the people and I’m staring at him with my arms crossed going, “Wow. You’re working hard aren’t you?”
Something snapped with me. I flew home knowing,
“I’m dumping him, I can’t do it one more minute. He doesn’t even know how to try, when he knows we’re completely on the rocks.”
I was just so done, it was like I hit a wall and I couldn’t get away fast enough. When we got home I said,
“I can’t do this, I need you to leave.”
And he’s like “Why?”
I remember it was raining and he was looking out the window. I remember the tears pouring down his face and I felt really bad. I just said to him,
“Please let me go.” I was crying. “Please, don’t make this difficult, just let me go.”
He walked out and shut the door, and I thought that’s all it was but that was just the beginning of the horror.
The Divorce Coach Says
Some marriages ooze slowly apart and even repeated cycles of marriage therapy can’t fix them. There’s always the final breaking point. There’s always something that get us to realize the marriage is truly over. For me, when it came it wasn’t a sense of relief or optimism but rather desolation and dread that I had to face the thing I thought would never happen to me: divorce.
And when Lisa says horror, she means horror. Seriously, readers, if you are preparing for divorce you need to follow Lisa’s story and know there are steps you need to take now to protect yourself even if you can never imagine your STBX being mean, vindictive or vengeful. That’s why Lisa is sharing her story.
Lisa has a blog, Before You Leave offering tips for dysfunctional divorce based on her own experience. Definitely worth a visit.