The ladies I’ve interviewed for this blog come from widely different backgrounds – their ages have ranged from 20’s to 60’s, the length of their marriages have varied from anywhere from a year to over 40 years, some have children, some have remarried, some relocated, some are SAHMs, and so on. I’ve realized, however that most of them have something in common. Most of them experienced a period of introspection after the end of their marriage and through that identified an aspect of their behavior they could change.
Emma says she became more tolerant of people. Here’s how she describes it.
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I have a new perspective on relationships now. Having survived what was a truly unhealthy, dysfunctional relationship, I can appreciate people regardless of their so-called faults. Whether it’s a romantic or familial or friend relationship, there’s always going to be some messiness.
I’m more tolerant now. I’m not as quick to lose my patience. I’m quicker to forgive people. Also, I see more now how I contribute to situations and that other people tolerate things I do.
There was a lot of introspection after leaving. I realized how insecure I had felt in that relationship. It made me realize what kind of energy I want out of my relationships and how it’s not acceptable to settle for anything less than what is healthy.
Not everybody would do this and maybe it’s because I was only married for a year and it was pretty miserable, but I was ready to get back out there and start dating right away. I wanted to meet more people, to go out and do things. So I didn’t make myself wait. I let myself be vulnerable again and I’m glad I did that.
Now, three years later, I am in a relationship and it is so different. He is such a calm person, steady and dependable. I can be impatient and stubborn and he’s a calming presence for me. It’s vastly different than my marriage. I think my marriage has made me much more appreciative of being with someone who provides some stability in my life.
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Like Emma, I think I’m more tolerant of other people now. I’m not sure whether it’s because I have a different measuring stick now for deciding what’s worth arguing about or if it’s because I’m so much more content that I can let go of more things. Either way, I think it means less stress in my life and that has to be good.