Couples support each other in lots of different ways. True support is wonderful to see. For me, it’s part of the magic of a deeply committed, loving relationship. Sometimes however that support crosses the line and it may not be obvious at the time:
I was also his enabler. I realize this now. If he wanted something, I would make it happen and I would make my things happen around that. It’s nice not having to do that anymore.
Evvy had been married for forty-two years when she discovered her husband was having another affair. This time was different. This time she wasn’t going to work around it. This time she decided it was enough. She wanted a divorce.
Enabling can be both positive and negative. It’s positive when it promotes development and gain. In it’s negative form, it’s used as an approach to problem-solving and rather than solving the problem, it exacerbates it.
When you think about the relationship you have with your spouse or STBX, are there behaviors you’re enabling? What would happen if you stopped?