Over the winter break, my kids and I went to the movies together. It’s not something that happens very often these days – the movie tastes of a 19 year-old girl and a 16 year-old boy are vastly different but this time, amazingly there was one movie they could both agree on seeing – We Bought a Zoo with Matt Damon and Scarlett Johansson. Rated PG, I thought it would be fun, happy movie. I wasn’t expecting a dating lesson! Here’s the scoop:
The newly-released PG movie, “We Bought a Zoo” starring Matt Damon and Scarlett Johansson is a feel-good story of a family overcoming the premature loss of their mother/wife and succeeding with a project that most would consider lunacy. The obvious inspiration is about perseverance against great odds but this is also a love story or rather several love stories offering valuable relationship guidance:
Talking to The Opposite Sex is Easy
In one scene, the young teenager, Dylan (Colin Ford) tells head zookeeper, Kelly (Scarlett Johansson) that he doesn’t know what’s happened to his teen admirer, Lily (Elle Fanning). He supposes that he didn’t hear something she said, that he doesn’t know how to talk to girls. Kelly tells Dylan that talking is easy, you just have to listen. Kelly might be twenty-eight, living with her mother, no boyfriend, and working around the clock but she does know that communicating with the animals requires more than just words. Her advice is a simple tried and true approach to the art of making conversation. It’s all about making the other person feel heard and isn’t that what most of us want from a relationship?
Intentionality
IntentionalityLater when Kelly is walking her talk and listening to Benjamin Mee, (Matt Damon) opening up about his wife’s death and his challenges raising his son Dylan, Kelly focuses intently on Benjamin, shutting out the constant noise of her beloved zoo animals and inner chatter of the never-ending to-do list. The viewer is left in no doubt that Benjamin has Kelly’s undivided attention.
Sure this is a movie and all sorts of tricks are possible but this is what relationships experts, call being intentional. It’s an art and it takes practice. On a date it means engaging with your date, closing your mind to the what-ifs and simply absorbing what is going on at that moment. Being intentional is an intensity multiplier and Scarlett Johansson is a master.
Courage
When Benjamin has broken through the communication barriers with his son, he shares his worldly advice that sometimes all it takes is “twenty seconds of courage” to make something happen. Later he reenacts for his children how it took him less than twenty seconds to ask out a complete stranger, the woman who would become their mother.
So next time you’re waiting for your date to call or wondering if a new match on your chosen online dating site will message you or wondering how you could talk to the attractive stranger across the room, know that you can be the chooser because all it takes is twenty seconds of courage.
Why Not
In the reenactment scene, Benjamin asks the young woman in the coffee shop if she would talk to a guy like him. Her reply is a simple, “Why not.” While Benjamin’s original question betrays a lack of self-worth, the “why not” response is a perspective of liberating and empowering possibilities that’s key to meeting new people.
What did you think of We Bought a Zoo? What’s your favorite movie for dating tips?