In yesterday’s post, Divorce is a change not an end, Molly said she’d learned much about herself that she wouldn’t have learned if she’d stayed married. She told me that her most significant learning centered around her happiness. Here’s Molly:
I control my own happiness. No one else is responsible for it. I realized that I was in a lot of ways, while I was married, blaming my husband for my own unhappiness over certain things in my life and resentful of him.
Once I admitted my marriage was ending, I said,
“I’m going to make the best of this situation. I am going to look at what are the benefits here and I’m going to find a way to be happy because I don’t want to sit around wallowing in self-pity.”
I think the divorce was a wake up call. Also, once I wasn’t engaged in so much stress in my daily living environment, I had more time to breathe and listen to my own counsel. It’s funny, even just having the presence of another person in the house, changes the way you interact. I feel more at ease and calm knowing that the house is mine and I’m alone and I don’t have to answer to anyone, I don’t have to interact with anyone.
When he was gone, it was just me. I was responsible for forging my own destiny and also for my own happiness. I realized that happiness comes from within and it’s your own responsibility.
Happiness is not about things that we achieve, because I got the marriage, I got the house, I got the kids, all those things I wanted for happiness and yet I wasn’t necessarily happy. I realize now that it’s more your attitude towards life and making the best of every moment than it is about attaining something that you thought you wanted.
I used to try to make him happy. He has a tendency to be more of a depressive personality and I always was trying to make him happy. You just can’t make anyone else happy, only you can make yourself happy.
The Divorce Coach Says
What stuck me about this, is that it sounds like something your parents told you when you’re growing up. I’m not saying that to discount what Molly is saying because I agree with her and it also took divorce for me to truly believe this. But as a teenager, you nod your head in agreement with your parents and go forth and life happens. Car. Career. House. Vacations. Marriage. Children. Then, along the way you might realize you’re not happy inside and sometimes it takes stripping everything away to learn that what mom and dad said really is true.
Photo Credit: x + y