Jenni came out of rehab in late 2007. It was almost another year before she found the courage to leave her marriage. There were two incidents that told Jenni enough was enough. Here’s Jenni:
There were many fights but I remember one big one when he woke me up at 5:30 in the morning. We were still sleeping in the same bed at the time and I woke up to him calling me a whore, a bitch, a c*** and stuff, because he couldn’t find a piece of equipment for his work. Because of that, he decided to lay into me and blame me.
I actually called my parents and I would never usually call them at that hour. I spoke to my dad,
“Dad, I don’t know what to do. He’s being horrible to me, he’s calling me names, he’s screaming at me and I know the kids can hear it. I don’t want to call the police because I’d hate for my kids to see that.”
My dad is a police officer and he called me back later that afternoon and said,
“If I ever get another phone call from you like that again, you’ll have the police on your doorstep taking him away.”
It was a rough period. I had filed for divorce but I was doubting whether I should move out. I wasn’t sure if I ready. I had started a new job and I was desperately trying to keep my act together. I didn’t want them to know I was falling apart inside because I wanted them to keep me on board.
I’m not really religious but I’m always looking for signs of God, whether it’s coming from a song, a sign that I see or something that someone says to me. Anyway, I went to get tea some tea at work one morning. They have Celestial Seasonings herbal tea and I pick up the box. The boxes have sayings on them and the one I picked up had the Buddhist proverb,
“Leap and the net will appear”
That was the thing that lit a fire under me. I actually tore the proverb off and stuck it in my purse. Then, when I moved into my new place, I stuck it on my fridge.
Leap and the net will appear … knowing that I would be OK. It’s the faith thing that you have to have. You can’t let anybody steer you away from that.
That’s the biggest thing, staying away from people who aren’t supportive of you. Staying away from those people because it’s not healthy to be around that. You don’t need any self-doubt when you’re making all these life-changing decisions.
The Divorce Coach Says
I love hearing about these catalytic events, these moments of clarity when everything comes into focus and our path forward shines bright … like Susan’s pebbles in the moonlight. Sally shared that one of her lessons about divorce was that divorce comes with a safety net – you won’t know what the future holds but you have to trust that if you leap, you will work it out. She was a longtime follower of Buddhist teachings.
And then Carolyn who’s also shared her story with Since My Divorce, has a blog called Leap and the Net Will Appear – you can follow her inspiring journey as a recently single mother of two, in nursing school.
I have pantry full of Celestial Seasonings tea since their factory is nearby. I hadn’t noticed the sayings before, shame on me, so I had to go through all my boxes. Here’s another Chinese proverb that seems fitting:
“A gem cannot be polished without friction nor a man perfected without trials.”
Was there a phrase or saying that has helped you find your way?