Thanksgiving is just a week away. That could mean you’re looking forward to it with excitement or dreading it or even a mixture of both. This is especially true if you’re newly-separated and are still figuring out how to collaborate with your ex but the challenges of celebrating Holidays after divorce continue as children grow older or leave home or new partners need to be incorporated. Either way being prepared for Thanksgiving makes it more enjoyable.
Most news coverage, TV shows and movies have a heavy emphasis on the “happy” in Thanksgiving and even if there is conflict or disagreement somehow everyone works it out in time for the happy ending. But I think most of us know that life isn’t really like that. Our lives are messy with history and consequences that aren’t easily resolved in 30 minutes. But that doesn’t mean divorce and Thanksgiving don’t go together.
It might be tempting to put on a brave face, to keep going with the traditions you and your STBX have created, and to make like nothing has changed even if you are doing Thanksgiving separately.
Well, everything IS changing and rather than resisting that I’d like to urge you to accept it.
What do your plans for the day look like?
As you think about these, is there an activity you’re not crazy about? Something that’s making you feel tense or anxious, giving you a knot in your stomach?
What is it about the activity that is making you feel like this?
Is there a way to modify the activity so you feel more comfortable?
What would happen if you decided not to do this at all?
What else could you do to take care of yourself?
I’m not suggesting you should skip Thanksgiving. Far from it. I’m a big believer in celebrations and festivities. They are part of what makes a family and how you modify your traditions is a key to making your rearranged family uniquely yours. But it also about arranging this time in a way that makes it enjoyable and fun for you, a way for you to recharge your batteries. You can start doing that right now …
P.S. Remember to ask your child for their input. After some years, my children shared that they did not want to have a big meal with one of us on Thanksgiving Day and then have another big celebration meal with their other parent on the next day or even at the weekend. Only one Thanksgiving meal. Period.