We’re hard-wired for companionship so it’s only natural at some point to start thinking about dating after divorce. Depending on how long it’s been since you dated or even how competent you felt dating, you could well be asking your friends for advice on how to date.
My current guest, Bill was in his early fifties when his marriage ended about two years ago. He didn’t find dating after divorce difficult and is now in a steady relationship. Here’s Bill:
I ended up getting into really good shape, not necessarily by choice, but just the stress and using the physical outlet as just that, an outlet. So that helped out quite a bit. I dated a lot before I got married, so I was pretty experienced, honestly. So, even though it had been 23 years and I had lost a lot of the practice, it wasn’t like I didn’t know how to do it.
I think it ends up being awkward, but I think at the same time you remember how exciting it is and how adventurous it is. It’s good in that sense that it awakens a certain part of you that is healthy and good. And then, when you do find somebody that you really care for or love, then you can appreciate them a lot more. And that’s the case now. I really do appreciate my new partner. I dated her for awhile. It was pretty formal dating where we would ask each other to go out to do things and then it slipped into spending as much time as we can with each other.
How we met is an interesting story. I’m a pretty intuitive person. I have a lot of ESP (extrasensory perception) in the sense that I can see the future a lot and it happens to me often. It really does. There’s instances where I will say to people, “This is what is going to happen,” and I don’t know if it is because I’ve already lived this life or I see the possibilities or there’s many tracks we see and we choose to go down a track.
Probably about two months after I had separated, my friend and I were at a place that was out of town and we happened to come across a woman who was from the town where we lived and he introduced her. She was married at the time and she was out with her sister and did not have a wedding ring on. I would say we were having a little bit of a flirt but it was more of discussion about life and different things.
Her sister pulled her out, because she felt like she was bit tipsy and they ended up leaving and I remember saying to my friend as we were leaving the bar a little while later, “I’m going to end up being with her.” It took almost a year but she ended up separating, divorcing.
I had felt that night that something was wrong. She was for all intents and purposes single even though she was married. Nothing happened, but I remember saying to my friend that we’d end up together and sure enough we ended up getting together.
I remember telling her, “I told my friend that this was going to happen,” and she was very skeptical and thought I was crazy. I’ve been very nonchalant throughout the whole thing. I’ve known all along.
The Divorce Coach Says:
We all have memories of dating before we married but not everyone finds dating easy or comfortable. If you didn’t enjoy dating before then now’s a good opportunity to review your dating skills. These are skills like meeting people, social introductions, initiating conversations and flirting.
Identify the skills you’d like to improve and then look for ways to practice. Remember, some of your work skills may transfer and you can practice these skills anywhere … grocery store, doctor’s office, commuting to work. If it feels awkward, keep practicing because you will get more comfortable. And perhaps the best tip of all … don’t take yourself too seriously.
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