I think it’s often assumed that it is the woman who will stay in the marital home after divorce, especially if there are children involved. However, it was Kristen, whose story we’ve been following, who moved out from their home. I asked how that felt.
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It was bittersweet but I knew that for me to really get a fresh start and move on with my life in the direction I wanted, I wanted to be in place that was created by me and to fill it with things that represented me and my kids. I felt that was important.
At first I was very scared. I’ve never really lived by myself but now I come home and I truly do find a sense of peace and tranquility. I look around at the walls and the pictures I’ve hung, even a little piece of furniture I picked out, and I feel this is me. This is how I’m supposed to live my life, surrounded by things that are important to me. As hard as it was to leave the martial home, I think it was the best decision I ever made. The marital home was from US and I would felt like I didn’t move on.
My husband stayed in the home and it is a little strange when I go back there. I am a very type A personality – I’m very organized and neat and he’s the complete opposite. It drove us crazy when we were married. I walk in there now and sometimes I hyperventilate – it’s just like a single guy lives there. I can never stay too long. I try to tidy up and then I think to myself, I can’t do that because it’s his house now.
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As I wrote recently, my kids and I stayed in the marital home until I found a new home for us. Like Kristen, I didn’t want to stay in the marital home – I wanted a fresh start and this house definitely feels like my home. I love just being here.
Kristen obviously has a different relationship with her ex than I have with mine – she goes for dinner with him – but when mine comes over to pick up the kids, I will invite him into the house but I definitely don’t like it when he starts wandering around. He invariably seems to make a comment about something I’ve bought or maybe thinking of buying and it just irks me that I feel trapped into explaining my actions to him.
The other day, my daughter was in the basement and he said he’d go down and talk to her. I said I’d rather he didn’t and that I would get her to come up and talk to him. He asked why he couldn’t just go downstairs, so I said I didn’t like him wandering around. I knew before I said it he wouldn’t like it and when we were still married, I would have avoided a confrontation like this, just giving in and letting go. So I gritted my teeth waiting for the reaction and sure enough, he didn’t like my answer. He just turned around and left and we haven’t spoken about it. I wonder if we had stayed in the marital home if it would be harder to draw a boundary like this? Or am I just being too sensitive?