If you are a single mom, you might have concerns about whether you can raise a happy and confident child. No doubt, single parenting is a tough challenge. As long as you provide your children with a strong passionate base and clear behavior guidelines, usually they’ll be fine.
In America, the trend of single motherhood is growing rapidly. In 2018, there were 11.3 million families that were headed by a single parent, and among them, 81 percent were headed by a female. 23 percent of American children live with a single mother. Single motherhood is becoming the new “norm” in the society, as the research shows that about 1 in 4 children under the age of 18 are being raised up without a father.
Regardless of all the daunting facts about children of single parents, research shows that almost 75 percent of them “do well after living through divorce.” That is a surprising figure. And though it can’t challenge the stressful and disturbing process divorce has on children, they are resilient and can handle their new situations. However, for children, the process of divorce is as traumatizing as the reformation of their whole world. Without the love and guidance of at least one parent, you can’t expect a confident child on the other side.
So what can a single mom do to raise a confident child? For starters, believe that your faith and actions will lead you toward success. Here are some other essential tips to keep in mind:
Substitute Gratitude For Guilt
For single moms, guilt is a chief stressor that hinders their way toward a healthy normal life. But all you need to know is that guilt is just an illusion which is constructed by our own self-destructive thoughts.
“Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.” – John F. Kennedy
As a mom, you handover your anxiety and trauma to your child. Therefore, you need to focus on what you are grateful for rather than giving in to the deception of guilt. Regardless of how challenging things get—maybe especially then—list out things for which you are obliged. It helps in putting things straight and also reminds us that we still have a lot of things to be happy with. So, all you need is to reject the guilt of being a single mom and renew your gratitude. It is one of the powerful ways for you to build emotional intelligence and set an example for your child. Your child is going to follow you, and if you keep on blaming yourself, he will do it, too. As a mother, you have to teach your child self-confidence by setting a good example.
Concentrate On Positive Parenting
Ignore all the people prompting you about single-parent doomsday. There are a lot of negative people out there, and you have to identify sincere and dear ones. Keep in mind that there isn’t a rule that says only two-parent families can have fun and healthy environments for children.
However, it is true that being a single mom you have to face many challenges. If you can provide a healthy environment for your child with a single-parent household, then all you need is to focus on this most important idea of positive parenting. Your positive parenting helps your kid in alleviating the stress. Your kids are already facing a challenging restructuring of their world, and your positive attitude helps them to deal with it and leads to a strong confident personality in them.
Here are a few positive parenting attributes that you can adopt in your daily life to develop a positive relationship with your kid:
- Make the most of everyday moments: You can spend quality time with your child anytime and anywhere. You can have a chit chat with your kid on the way to school. Instead of watching the news channel, you can talk to your kid at the dinner table.
- Show interest: All you need is to be interested in your child’s favorite things. You must know about their favorite sport or food. Play his favorite game with him, so his confidence level boosts. If you don’t know about his interests, you can use an application like Xnspy to look into them.
- One-on-one time: Try to spend one-on-one time daily with your child. It is quality that matters not quantity. So spend a little time with your kid alone and try to provide him a friendly environment. Your time and attention can help your child in developing self-esteem. Smile and hug your children to show them that you are happy to see them.
- Praise: You need to praise your child for coping with the situation. Your appreciation makes them strong and confident.
Be A Role Model
We all have an instinctive nature to care for our children first and consider ourselves second. It is noble to put your children first in the list but not at the cost of self-care as it is not sustainable. Consider a situation, you are sitting in the airplane with your child and unfortunately, there’s an emergency in the flight. In the emergency pressure scenario, will you place the oxygen mask first on yourself? If your answer was “no,” then you need to reconsider the situation. Well, you must place the mask first on yourself so that you can help your child, too. Otherwise, you will put both of you at great risk.
The quality of your parenting is highly dependent on the quality of your mental and physical health. The way you care for yourself has a significant impact on the way you care for your children. Regular sleep, healthy social circle, exercise, and proper diet are the key factors of self-care. If you follow these factors and take care of yourself, you can be a role model for your children. They are going to follow the example you have set. Then, why don’t you set a healthy example for them? We are well familiar with the fact that children long for security and stability. Your healthy model strengthens their sense of security and gives them confidence in combating any challenging scenario.
Use Your Support System
Naturally, we are born as social beings. It’s no secret that when we are facing stressful circumstances, social support moderates the trauma and also helps in snowballing our positive attitude and determination. Thus, for the betterment of you and your children, you must utilize a support system.
In case you don’t have a readily available support system, you need to create one for your kids. The support system can include people like your friends, helpful colleagues, neighbors, parenting groups, and so on. You and your child can take advantage of the relationships that are formed naturally and even your mere participation in such groups can provide a healthy result.
Communicate With Your Child
Emotions can win any battle. You must talk to your children about your separation and divorce. But, you need to be calm, open, and honest, and most importantly, you must discuss using age-appropriate terms. It is important to respect boundaries and avoid negative language in reference to the other parent. If you try to manipulate things, you may cause confusion, anxiety, and hatred in your kid. The self-confidence of your child is highly dependent on their ability to trust you. You can help your child in building confidence through your mindful communication.
The Power Of Routine
Routine is one of the most important factors that help kids in gaining security and acquaintance. They highly depend on their routine as they know they will get what they are expecting from it. It can act as a security blanket in the time of chaos and turmoil. So, it is recommended to stick to the usual routine of your child as close as it is possible.
If there is a need for a new routine as your family has faced a major move, you must keep in mind that you will need a realistic routine that works for your family. You will need an affordable and sustainable schedule for your child.
There are many families who face such challenging and serious family matters. Most of the families overcome these issues just by being with each other. Your kids need your time. Obviously, it is about quality, not quantity. The future success of a child is highly correlated with the quality of time spent with a parent rather than the quantity of time.
Well, this should give a sigh of relief to all the single parents—knowing that it is not about the aggregate of minutes, but rather the quality of the time spent together. are most important that you make with your kid and also refers us back to the beginning of the topic: substituting gratitude for parenting guilt.
In short, you have to overcome your own fear and guilt so that your child doesn’t feel the same way. You can set an exemplary model for your kids by being healthy, confident, and strong. Instead of shrugging your shoulders and walking away, this is the right time to tell your kids that you’re always there for them. From concentrating on positive parenting to mindful communication, all these tips help you on your expedition to raise a confident child.
“Hi, I am Jennifer; from Wisconsin! I am blessed with a naturally-positive mindset when it comes to relationships and especially parenting children. Whenever I get the time, I love writing about parenting to help other mums tackle their parenting issues like a pro!”