You may have had big, fearless plans for yourself after divorce.
But here you are now. Still in the same old job. Stuck in the same routine.
If you still feel stuck, longing for the confidence to make some big changes in your post-divorce life, keep reading!
These three simple tips will get you feeling fearless and ready to take on the world after divorce, no matter how much you aren’t trusting yourself right now.
Strategy #1: Reflect On What Is The BEST Thing That Will Happen When I Do This?
Ever notice how when you think about doing something new and bold after divorce, something stops you?
The moment you start thinking about taking bold action, that inner voice–whether it’s your own insecurity, the sound of your ex-husband, or even your annoyingly practical family–gets louder and louder:
Are you out of your mind?
What if you get kidnapped?
It’s soooooo annoying when your inner voice shoots down your fearless idea.
Expect for this to happen A LOT when you take bold action after divorce.
But instead of giving in to the catastrophizing, replace it with the “Best Case Scenario” mindset.
Replace “What’s the worst thing that could happen?” with “What’s the best thing that can happen?”
I got a lot of crap after divorce when I quit my stressful male-dominated job in defense to go travel through Asia and Russia for four months.
I got it from older male supervisors who were “concerned for my safety” because they “reminded me of their daughters.”
I got it from my elderly parents in the Midwest who “didn’t want me to be in financial trouble.”
And I got it from friends who were scared I would end up dead in a Cambodian jungle.
When you get pushback, remember this one thing:
Don’t give in to the insecurities and anxieties that other people are projecting onto you.
Don’t let the past narratives that “you don’t deserve it” cloud your dreams today.
Focus instead on all the stuff that is going to come your way by taking the bold action.
If your disillusioned friend is warning you about dating again, shift your focus instead to how fun it will be to meet new people.
If your family members are telling you that “you can’t just up and quit your job this close to retirement,” shift your focus instead on your financial picture and how you can make it work.
Remember–if you continue to think of only the bad stuff, you’ll never move on after divorce.
The bad stuff is just past narratives—the same ones telling you that you don’t deserve to be happy or that you should feel guilty or you should care what people think.
And if you let those narratives win again, you’ll continue to feel stuck.
METHOD #2: Take One Tiny Step To Your Goal TODAY
Have you ever had a dream that you never did anything about?
It may be losing 20 pounds to better manage your arthritis.
It may be finally getting the courage to call your sister out on her passive aggressive comments about how you wear your hair and makeup.
It could be finally quitting your job and travelling for a few months through Italy.
These lofty dreams stay unreachable because we get too overwhelmed when it comes to starting them.
But when you break those dreams down and start with the simplest step, then setting a deadline to get that step done, momentum starts going.
What is the absolute first step–no matter how small–for you to take today?
If your fearless goal is to quit your job in two years to go paint the hell out of some wild flowers in New Mexico, plan the first small step you can take to get to that dream.
That could be just Googling “the best place to live as an artist in New Mexico” and reading about it for 30 minutes instead of looking at Facebook
If your fearless goal is to start playing piano again, Google “piano teachers for adult learners” after you read this blog post.
Then repeat another small step tomorrow.
And the day after.
Repeat for an entire month.
Small fearless changes after divorce don’t happen in a day.
They will happen, however, if you are consistent. And have the dogged determination to actually live your life the way you love.
METHOD #3: Find Someone To Hold You Accountable
It’s hard to break out of the habits that keep you stuck after divorce.
I would know. After my divorce, I was in this purgatory of being miserable, but not really doing anything about it.
I was miserable, but at least I was comfortable.
I hear that a lot with clients I work with–divorced women who want more from their lives, but are hesitant to make changes.
You’re not weak or lazy if you can’t make these small steps by yourself.
That doesn’t mean you give up.
What it does mean is that you ask for help.
Having someone hold you accountable as you become fearless after divorce will keep you from losing your momentum. A good accountability partner can motivate you, call you out on your BS, and help you reach those fearless goals..
But choose your accountability person wisely.
It should be someone who wants you to do awesome things. Not someone who will try to convince you to “be sensible.”
Save “being sensible” for getting your mammogram. Not for living fearlessly.
In order to get out of your comfort zone and do the things that your heart aches for, you’ll need someone who’ll hold you to the promises you make.
So, get the trainer.
Hire the coach.
Or reach out to that straight-shooter friend.
Because you deserve to live fearlessly even when you don’t think you’re capable.
Now, it’s time to take that step.
You got this.
Martha Bodyfelt is a divorce recovery coach who helps professional divorced women overcome their divorce pain and break free from the patterns keeping them stuck so they can feel fulfilled, have more fun, and live fearlessly.
To find out what’s *really* keeping you stuck after divorce, head over to https://marthabodyfelt.com/ to take the 30-second quiz.
Photo by Oliver Cole on Unsplash
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