Jen has been separated for some eighteen months now and legally divorced for six. She’s got her hands full with working and going to school and raising her three boys but she’s getting her life back on track with her parents’ help. So is there any room for dating in her life? Here’s Jen:
I have dated. Not much. I dated this one guy who I really liked, and it cooled off very fast. It was one of those relationships where we clicked and we hit it off really fast. Then one day, he was just gone. That was hard. I had just started thinking that dating was kind of fun and that maybe there was something better than being on your own. Then he was gone and I thought,
“I’m so sick of this, I can’t handle being sad anymore. When are things going to get better?”
I am dating someone right now that I knew when I was a kid. I live in Utah and he lives in Arizona, so it’s ridiculous, but we talk just about every day. He saw me post some random sad thing on Facebook one day, and Facebook-ed me asking if I was OK. I told him I was having a rough time right then and what was going on. He had just gone through a crazy divorce with his ex-wife. I thought my story was pretty out there but his is almost worse.
So it just started by talking about what we’d gone through and how miserable it was and being concerned about our kids, and we just became really good friends and started liking each other.
There’s something special about having someone you can share everything with and someone who’s been through something that you’ve been through. Just being able to go “yeah, I know exactly how you feel. Yep, I know exactly what you mean when you say that.” It’s totally scary to open yourself up again, but it’s been really nice to have someone to talk to.
We’ve only seen each other once. I flew out and saw him. That was really fun. I’m going to get to see him in a couple of weeks for a few days. But we talk all the time and I don’t know what’ll happen or where it will go, but if you can consider that dating…
The Divorce Coach Says
I don’t think it matters what any of us considers to be “dating.” What matters is that Jen and her boyfriend are on the same page with their relationship. Obviously they’ve found a connection and she’s found someone she can lean on who can help her through these challenging times. I admire Jen’s acceptance of the uncertain future, of not knowing when they will see each other. These issues can test even the best long-distance relationships.
I love too that Jen and her boyfriend connected through Facebook – while divorced people aren’t the original target audience for Facebook, connecting people after breakups seems precisely what the Facebook founders had in mind.
Photo credit: sitmonkeysupreme