I am sad to announce my son no longer believes in Santa, the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy. At age nine he is officially stating out loud his lack of belief. Yes, I have been lying to him all these years, and the last few I knew he had his doubts, but kept them to himself, because like me he didn’t want the magic to end.
This was how I felt when I knew it was time to end my seven year marriage; I didn’t want the magic to end. For just a moment, think about your marriage. There was a point in time when your relationship was magical; even if it was only during your courtship, wedding night, or the first few months.
You believed no one when they mentioned they didn’t think your spouse was right for you. You believed your spouse was perfect, could do no wrong, and well, most days your feet never touched the ground.
Believing in your marriage is tough when things are not bright and merry and sometimes you stop believing in your happiness to keep the relationship alive. If you are considering divorce or have been through one this year, chances are this holiday season is going to be tough, but you can and will get through it.
Say these over and over
- I believe I will get through this divorce…
- I believe I will find love again…
- I believe I can make it on my own…
Going through divorce is terrifying; there is loss, lifestyle changes, and financial issues to deal with. When you divorce you cause upheaval to your world including everything you believe in.
- It’s okay to have feelings. Everyone reacts differently to divorce. For example I played it off that I was thrilled to be free of my marriage, but deep down I was sad. Some people become depressed and lock themselves up at home feeling that the only safe place. Others are angry, how did I ever marry this person, they’ve ruined my life? The feelings may be strong now and even months from now, but over time they’ll fade.
- Stop the presses. No one expects you to function at full capacity during this time. One of the biggest mistakes I made during and after my divorce was to occupy every waking moment, never giving me the chance to think or reflect on how I felt about the divorce. Go on with your daily life but don’t push yourself too hard.
- Develop a support system. Don’t try to be a superhero and go through divorce alone. My parents were my lifeline during my divorce and still are to this day. If you don’t have family to lean on, consider confiding in a friend, or others that have been in your shoes. This site is full of people that know what going through a divorce looks and feels like. They may be strangers but they have a connection with you that can’t be beat.
Don’t give up believing in the magic, after all aren’t you the one that creates it?
Suzanne Cramer is a Certified Personal Finance Counselor®.
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