Divorces are complicated and emotional for both men and women. Women tend to vent their emotions by sharing their feelings with friends and family. However, we don’t often hear men talking honestly and openly about splitting up. For this reason, men need a different kind of help and support when they go through a divorce.
Family laws have traditionally been a bit skewed in the interest of women, but things are changing fast and courts are now taking heed of every case from the point of view of both genders.
Even though you might feel lost, anxious, and even depressed at the prospect of a divorce, you’ll want to do everything in your power to make your divorce less painful. Men’s divorce attorneys suggest you follow these practices before initiating a divorce in order to make it peaceful and drama-free.
Organize your stuff
Throughout the divorce process, men need to make decisions that affect their lives and their children’s like no other. Being organized in this chaos results in less energy drain and more stamina to take on negotiations, difficult conversations, and hard decisions.
Men’s attorneys suggest you work with a competent family lawyer who can guide you through the process to financially prepare for divorce and the negotiations that follow. Organizing your finances well in advance will pay off when you face the upheaval a divorce brings with it. Sit down with your spouse to list your assets and debts. Start collecting copies of your financial documents, such as bank account statements, brokerage account statements, insurance policies, credit card statements, tax returns, and so on.
Outline a marital budget to learn more about your current expenses and project your future needs living in separate households. Keep in mind you might not want to begin negotiating financial issues with your spouse without a qualified professional; this might do you more harm than good. Focus only on preparing for the financial struggles you both have to face down the road.
Learn about the divorce process
Divorce lawyers suggest men learn about the steps they need to take during a divorce. By doing so, you will be able to plan your divorce in a better and more efficient way.
Rather than taking things as they come, plan your divorce by:
- Educating yourself on how the divorce process works.
- Learning about divorce mediation and alternative divorce methods.
- Actively participate in all divorce-related decisions.
- Considering all divorce negotiations as business deals – sidestep any emotions you may have and think about your and your children’s best interests.
By being proactive throughout the divorce process, you will ensure your spouse does not get an unfair upper hand in any of the proceedings.
Some men have a tendency to become self-destructive when they suffer frustration and distress. Get ready for the upcoming emotional rollercoaster by setting up a system that prevents you from lapsing into despair.
Pursue a yoga or meditation practice, enroll yourself in a sport or music class, or get advance massage appointments. Do whatever keeps you stable in emotionally charged times. An activity that provides you peace and relaxation will become your way of staying sane during the divorce process.
Men often think they’ll be just fine at the end of it all. They often overestimate their capacity to experience pain and emotional turmoil. It’s important that you don’t make any decision in the spur of the moment by managing your emotions during the divorce process. Plan for the emotional rollercoaster and you’ll sail through your divorce in a better way.
Protect items valuable to you
Sometimes during a divorce process, people take out their frustration on their spouse by destroying valuable and sentimental property. To prevent this from happening to you, take all your valuables and store them in a safe deposit box or lock them up securely.
In addition to things that are of emotional value to you, take inventory of your remaining personal property and prepare a list of all your things along with their date stamped pictures. Safeguard your separate property, i.e., any property you bought before you got married. Make sure to list each item as either separate property or community property (properties you and your spouse accumulated during the marriage).
When the divorce process begins, it will be too late for you to carry out this process since it is time-consuming and requires energy and effort on your part. Make sure you take care of these petty things first, so you are free to look into serious issues when the divorce proceedings begin.
Turn off social media
Social media profiles are highly scrutinized during the divorce process. When in anger, experts advise that you don’t turn to Facebook during the divorce process. Often men and women commit the mistake of lashing out at their spouse on social media while their separation is underway. Courts tend to look at your social media profiles to arrive at crucial decisions, such as child custody.
To avoid any risk of further complications in your case, family law attorneys suggest you turn off social media platforms.
When sending out emails to your ex-partner, make sure you are courteous in language. Bad mouthing your spouse, their attorney, or their family or friends can turn against you in child custody matters.
Focus on your children
Keep your kids on your radar at all times. Schedule time to spend with them, starting now. Get involved in their lives, even if you haven’t been lately.
Being involved with your children will help you in many ways. First, it will take your mind off serious divorce issues. Second, it will provide you respite from the negativity surrounding a divorce. Third, you will be able to spend quality time with your children in case you don’t receive custody. Fourth, getting to know their lifestyle and the people around them will strengthen your case for child custody. And, most importantly, your children will love getting your attention and spending time with you. Both spouses play a crucial, irreplaceable role in children’s lives. Make sure you play your part perfectly.
Attorneys for men suggest men make a schedule on an online calendar and encourage their kids to put their activities on them. This way, fathers can stay on top of their children’s lives now and after separation.
Get professional support
You might be facing child custody, child support, and other financial issues all at the same time and alone. Get the support and guidance you need.
Choose a competent child custody attorney who specializes in men’s divorce and invest in your well-being – be it physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, or psychological. Seek help from therapists and practitioners who can ease your stress and make the process a bit easier on you.
An attorney is the most important aspect of any divorce. Look around your city and find an adequately experienced lawyer who can aggressively push for things that are important for you and bring about positive outcomes.
Though divorces are tough and exhausting, by planning ahead of time, you can prepare yourself for each step of the way and make the process a little less challenging.
Focus on the bigger picture and look for the greater good when it comes to all decisions in a divorce. When you focus on things that are really important to you, you might earn a chance to create an amicable future for your family and achieve a settlement you are all comfortable with.
Brad Micklin is the lead family lawyer in Montclair, NJ and managing member at The Micklin Law Group, LLC. For more than 20 years, he has helped men through some of the toughest, most emotional experiences in their lives, including in high conflict divorces and child custody battles.