Lorraine was living in Alaska when her fighter-pilot husband suddenly left her. One of the big decisions she faced was whether she should stay in Alaska or move.
My divorce counselor and my attorneys all told me not to move within a year of my divorce. Many people feel that they want a fresh start, but the advice I got was ‘don’t do it.’ Well, I had to get out of my house because I couldn’t afford it and the military said they would cover my move to the states if I moved right away. Moving from Alaska was about a $12,000 expense. I just didn’t know where to go.
My parents had retired to Colorado and my brother and his wife are here too so I came to Colorado. I had no friends here – I knew them and that was basically it. It was hard starting over but in the space of six weeks I moved, I bought a house and I got a job. My dad thought I was being a little too aggressive about it and wanted me to chill. I just didn’t want to be going through a divorce. I wanted it to be over and to be single. I felt that if I was I hanging out at their house and relaxing, I would be dwelling on the divorce.
But it was very hard to be figuring out who I was as a single person and to get settled without the support base I had in Alaska. I’d be driving home in a blizzard wondering if anybody would care if I didn’t make it or who would I call if my car broke down by the side of the road. It was all just one extra emotional layer on top of dealing with the divorce that was very difficult to deal with. I didn’t realize I would feel that way when I decided to move.
I wish I had stayed in Alaska. I loved Alaska just as far as a lifestyle and a cultural fit. It was a great place. Yes, I did have family here in Colorado and that’s helpful but on a Friday night, do I really want to hang out with my parents? I question whether moving to an area where I had no friends was the right decision but you make a decision and you have to make the best of it.
The Divorce Coach Says
When I got divorced, I didn’t have to make a decision about where to live. Having lived in the US for over 20 years I didn’t even consider moving back to England and with two children I wanted their lives to stay as much the same as possible. With someone else offering to pay for the move, I can understand why Lorraine made the decision she did. I think in the heat of a divorce it’s easy to feel pressured to make a decision and I think that’s Lorraine’s message here – don’t give into pressure. Did you have to make a decision to move when you got divorced? What helped you decide? Are you happy with that decision? Any advice to people facing the decision now?