When relationships end, it’s often easy to look back and see red flags warning us that things were amiss, and yet we missed them at the time.
I had no idea my husband was being unfaithful and I’m a pretty smart person. I’m a social worker. I’m used to people lying. I used to do child abuse investigations so it’s not like I was in a rose-colored glasses kind of world but when you trust someone and you don’t have any reason not to, you don’t notice the signs. I had no reason to be suspicious. ~ Debbie
Debbie had been married for about six years when she discovered her husband’s infidelity. Her marriage unraveled quickly after that as she discovered that the situation was much worse than she realized.
The realization that you’ve been blind to warning signs that become obvious with hindsight often means self-recrimination as in, “How could I have not know?” I love what Debbie says here because it is so simple and yet so very true. If you have no reason to suspect, if the possibility never even crosses your mind, if the wrong-doing is something that is completely foreign to you, how would you notice the warning signs?
This is not the time to beat yourself up, to be angry with yourself. This is the time to understand your great personal qualities like trust and loyalty, to be kind to yourself, to forgive yourself. You are not responsible for your spouse’s choices.