It’s natural to feel intimidated about dating after divorce. Aside from it probably being something you didn’t expect to engage in again, it may have been a long time since you dated someone other than your spouse and you may also feel that your dating skills need a refresher.
My current guest, Carol Round has been divorced now for twelve years. While she hasn’t dated anyone for the last year, she learned much about herself and what she wants from a serious relationship from her dating after divorce. Here’s Carol:
Oh Lord. I have dated more in the last 12 years than I dated before I ever got married. And I’ll tell you what. I have had so many interesting dates. In fact, I’m writing a book on it now, but it’s fiction. I can’t write non fiction, because I have to change the names to protect the innocent and the guilty.
It’s been an interesting journey. I turned down marriage proposals, including one to a millionaire, because he had no joy in his life. This was after I learned that true joy comes from relationships with the Lord. It’s not things.
I’ve been on a lot of dates but most men only dated one time, because you show up and it’s like, “This is not the person that was on the dating website. You don’t look anything like that,” or they profess to be a Christian, but they don’t act like a Christian.
It’s been an interesting journey, because I dealt with my age, and I’m not saying that to brag, I’m just blessed with good genes. I will be sixty in November and most people think I’m in my late 40’s. I get younger men that want to go out with me and I tell them, “I’ve got four students that are your age,” or “You’re close to my son’s age. I do not want to be your mother.”
I was engaged once to a man from our church and he was five years my junior. That’s another reason I won’t date a younger man. Even though he looked my age or older. I let him sweep me off my feet. This was in 2008. I let him sweep me off my feet and I fell for it because he was so romantic and I didn’t have that in my marriage—romance. I learned since then—I was reading an article about what you need to know about men who sweep you off your feet. One thing I remember is they usually have something to hide. Yep. He did.
The guy I was engaged to, he said to me, “You don’t need me, do you,” because he needed to be needed. I said, “No Andy, but I want you.” And that’s the thing. I’m not going to pretend to be something that I am not. I spent too many years in my marriage pretending and you can’t live like that—that’s no life. You have to be who you are and to be accepted for who you are. That was another reason our engagement didn’t last. I also found out was that even though he made good money he was in debt. After I asked him his credit score, boy he didn’t like it, because I wasn’t going to let him ruin my good credit score.
I’m just very content with my life. God hasn’t taken that desire away from me to remarry. I prayed and said, “God if you don’t want to remarry me, please take the desire away from me,” and he hasn’t. But he has taught me to be patient and to wait on Him.
So, it ended and for that I’m grateful. We still go to the same church. He’s since remarried. We go to the same service, he sits a separate part of the church. I’ve learned not to carrying around bitterness and anger. It doesn’t do any good and life’s too short.
I haven’t dated in almost a year now. I finally got off the dating websites because the Spirit said, “Carol, you need to get off the websites.” I’m very content in my life.
I do hope to remarry one of these days, but it’s going to have to be a man that loves the world as much as I do and wants to serve the Lord, because that’s who I am. I wasn’t that in the past although, I would say, I wanted to help other people. It wasn’t for God’s glory. It was for my own gratification.
I’ve been single for 12 years now. I’m very content. God provides for my needs. If God wants me to remarry, He’ll bring the right man.
The Divorce Coach Says
I love that Carol has such a sense of humor about her dating experience. I read this and I see that she has dated different men – good to keep an open mind and that she now knows her core values and what she’s looking for in a long-term partner. She’s kept her objectivity and hasn’t made hasty decisions about entering into another marital relationship. Most important, I see Carol being willing to wait for the right person. She’s not going to settle or compromise on those values and nor should you. And the assurance to do that comes from knowing and liking who you are.
Carol Round has been a writer her whole life and now writes the A Matter Of Faith blog where she shares inspiration thoughts for daily living. She is the author of Journaling With Jesus.